Irina, Togliatti

What could it mean if the birth of a child and the death of a loved one coincided?

Good day! My dad was sick with an incurable disease (oncology). I got pregnant with my second child while he was struggling with the disease. The pregnancy was going well, only at the end my dad got worse and worse, he was very tormented by pain, but as if he was waiting and did not want to upset me with his death until I give birth. And I started to walk more due date... Finally, in the morning at the end of August, she gave birth to a son, dad found out about this and left us in the evening of the same day. I was in the hospital and did not go to the funeral, in a dream I asked his forgiveness for everything. The son was born healthy, but at 1.5 months he started having epileptic seizures. Maybe there is an explanation for this from the standpoint of religion? Maybe I should do something? I put candles in the church for the repose, I know that dad only wanted the best. Maybe it’s not without reason that my son’s birthday and dad’s death coincided. Thanks for the answer.

I think that you inside yourself need to separate these two events. The death of a person, unfortunately, is natural (it is not an extraordinary event), even if it is a person close to us. What has appeared must disappear; what is born must die. The spirit returns to God, but the body departs to the earth “whence it was taken” (Genesis 3; 19). The main thing is that in the interval between these events.

I hope that your dad was not indifferent to his soul and tried to protect it, and the sorrows that he endured before his death cleansed what he could not or did not have time to repentance. He is gone and stands before the throne of God. We can help him now only by prayer and deeds of mercy in his memory. And he, if possible, will ask for mercy to you and your son.

Dad knew about your love for him. Probably, he would not take offense at you for not attending the funeral - after all, you gave birth to his grandson, who would be loved by him. Continuation of his kind.

Usually, priests are not visionaries (unless they deceive themselves). I do not know and cannot know the cause of your child's illness, but besides the help of doctors, for which it is not a sin to apply, my request is: try not to be formal Christians. It is necessary not only to often commune the child, but the whole family not to leave home prayer, church services. You need to find an opportunity for your repentance, i.e. so that you, parents, can approach the Cup with a clear conscience.

And how we pray in Our Father: “Thy Will be done”! The mercy of God is greater than our expectations, we just need to see it in everything that happens to us. Everything is done with us for our salvation, while the medicines for our illnesses are bitter. And do not forget to thank for what we have.

In everyday life, when we talk with someone from our acquaintances, and he says: "You know, such and such died," the usual reaction to this is the question: how died? Very important, how a person dies. Death is important for a person's sense of self. It is not only negative.

If we look at life philosophically, we know that there is no life without death, the concept of life can be evaluated only from the standpoint of death.

Once I had to communicate with artists and sculptors, and I asked them: "You depict different aspects of a person's life, you can depict love, friendship, beauty, but how would you depict death?" And no one gave an immediately intelligible answer.

One sculptor who immortalized the blockade of Leningrad promised to think it over. And shortly before his death, he answered me like this: "I would portray death in the image of Christ." I asked: "Christ crucified?" - "No, the ascension of Christ."

One German sculptor depicted a flying angel, the shadow of whose wings was death. When a person fell into this shadow, he fell into the power of death. Another sculptor depicted death in the image of two boys: one boy sits on a stone, resting his head on his knees, he is all directed downward.

The second boy has a flute in his hands, his head is thrown back, he is all directed after the motive. And the explanation for this sculpture was as follows: it is impossible to depict death without accompanying life, and life without death.

Death is a natural process. Many writers have tried to portray life as immortal, but it was a terrible, terrible immortality. What is endless life - endless repetition of earthly experience, cessation of development, or endless aging? It is even difficult to imagine the painful state of a person who is immortal.

Death is a reward, a respite, it is abnormal only when it comes suddenly, when the person is still on the rise, is full of strength.

And the elderly want death. Some old women ask: "Here, healed, it's time to die." And the patterns of death that we read about in the literature, when death befell the peasants, were of a normative nature.

When the villager felt that he could no longer work, as before, that he was becoming a burden for the family, he went to the bathhouse, put on clean clothes, lay down under the image, said goodbye to his neighbors and relatives, and calmly died. His death occurred without those expressed sufferings that arise when a person struggles with death.

The peasants knew that life is not a dandelion flower that grew, blossomed and scattered under the breeze. Life has a deep meaning.

This example of the death of peasants dying after giving themselves permission to die is not a feature of those people, we can meet similar examples today. Somehow we were admitted to an oncological patient. A former military man, he behaved well and joked: "I went through three wars, pulled death by the mustache, and now it's time for her to pull me up."

We, of course, supported him, but suddenly one day he could not get out of bed and took it completely unequivocally: "That's it, I'm dying, I can't get up." We told him: "Do not worry, this is a metastasis, people with metastases in the spine live a long time, we will take care of you, you will get used to it." "No, no, this is death, I know."

And, imagine, in a few days he dies, having no physiological prerequisites for this. He dies because he chose to die. This means that this good will to death or some kind of projection of death takes place in reality.

It is necessary to provide life with a natural end, because death is programmed even at the moment of conception of a person. A peculiar experience of death is acquired by a person in childbirth, at the moment of birth. When you deal with this problem, you can see how intelligently life is built. As a person is born, so he dies, easily born - easy to die, hard to be born - hard to die.

And the day of a person's death is also not accidental, like his birthday. Statisticians are the first to raise this problem, discovering the frequent coincidence in people of the date of death and the date of birth. Or when we remember some significant anniversaries the death of our relatives, it suddenly turns out that the grandmother died - a granddaughter was born. This transmission to generations and the nonrandomness of the day of death and birthday is striking.

Clinical death or another life?

Not a single sage has yet understood what death is, what happens at the time of death. A stage such as clinical death... A person falls into a coma, his breathing stops, his heart stops, but unexpectedly for himself and for others, he returns to life and tells amazing stories.

Natalya Petrovna Bekhtereva recently died. At one time, we often argued, I told the cases of clinical death that were in my practice, and she said that this was all nonsense, that changes were just taking place in the brain, and so on. And once I gave her an example, which she later began to use and tell.

I worked for 10 years at the Cancer Institute as a psychotherapist, and once I was called to a young woman. During the operation, her heart stopped, they could not start it for a long time, and when she woke up, I was asked to see if her psyche had changed due to the long oxygen starvation of the brain.

I came to the intensive care unit, she was just coming to her senses. I asked: "Can you talk to me?" - "Yes, only I would like to apologize to you, I caused you so much trouble." - "What troubles?" - “Well, of course. My heart stopped, I went through such stress, and I saw that for the doctors it was also a great stress. "

I was surprised: "How could you see this if you were in a state of deep narcotic sleep, and then your heart stopped?" "Doctor, I would tell you a lot more if you promise not to send me to a mental hospital."

And she said the following: when she plunged into a narcotic sleep, she suddenly felt that as if a soft blow to her feet made something inside her turn, like a screw was twisting. She had the feeling that her soul had turned out and went out into some kind of foggy space.

Looking closer, she saw a group of doctors bending over the body. She thought: what a familiar face this woman has! And then she suddenly remembered that it was herself. Suddenly a voice rang out: "Stop the operation immediately, the heart has stopped, you need to start it."

She thought she was dead, and with horror remembered that she had not said goodbye to either her mother or her five-year-old daughter. Anxiety for them literally pushed her in the back, she flew out of the operating room and in an instant found herself in her apartment.

She saw a rather peaceful scene - the girl was playing with dolls, her grandmother, her mother, was sewing something. There was a knock at the door, and a neighbor, Lidia Stepanovna, entered. She had in her hands little dress dotted. “Mashenka,” said the neighbor, “you all the time tried to be like your mother, so I sewed for you the same dress as your mother’s.”

The girl happily rushed to her neighbor, on the way touched the tablecloth, an old cup fell, and a teaspoon fell under the carpet. The noise, the girl is crying, the grandmother exclaims: "Masha, how awkward you are," Lydia Stepanovna says that the dishes are beating happily - a common situation.

And the girl's mother, forgetting about herself, went up to her daughter, stroked her head and said: "Masha, this is not the worst grief in life." Mashenka looked at her mother, but, not seeing her, she turned away. And suddenly this woman realized that when she touched the girl's head, she did not feel this touch. Then she rushed to the mirror and did not see herself in the mirror.

In horror, she remembered that she had to be in the hospital, that her heart had stopped. She rushed out of the house and found herself in the operating room. And then I heard a voice: "The heart started up, we are doing the operation, but rather, because there may be a repeated cardiac arrest."

After listening to this woman, I said: "Do you want me to come to your house and tell my family that everything is all right, they can see you?" She happily agreed.

I drove to the address given to me, my grandmother opened the door, I told you about the operation, and then asked: "Tell me, at half past ten, did your neighbor Lydia Stepanovna come to see you?" - "I came, and you know her?" - "Did she bring a dress with polka dots?" - "Are you a wizard, doctor?"

I keep asking, and everything came together to the details, except for one thing - the spoon was not found. Then I say: "Did you look under the carpet?" They lift the carpet and there is a spoon.

This story greatly influenced Bekhtereva. And then she herself experienced a similar incident. One day she lost both her stepson and her husband, both committed suicide. It was a terrible stress for her. And then one day, entering the room, she saw her husband, and he turned to her with some words.

She, an excellent psychiatrist, decided that these were hallucinations, returned to another room and asked her relative to see what was in that room. She came up, looked in and staggered back: "Yes, there is your husband!" Then she did what her husband asked for, making sure that such cases were not fiction.

She told me: “No one knows the brain better than me (Bekhtereva was the director of the Institute of the Human Brain in St. Petersburg)... And I have the feeling that I am standing in front of some huge wall, behind which I hear voices, and I know that there is a wonderful and huge world, but I cannot convey to others what I see and hear. Because in order for it to be scientifically substantiated, everyone must repeat my experience. "

Once I was sitting near a dying patient. I put on the music box, which played a touching melody, then asked: "Turn it off, bothers you?" - "No, let him play." Suddenly her breathing stopped, her relatives rushed: "Do something, she is not breathing."

In the heat of the moment I gave her an injection of adrenaline, and she came to her senses again, turned to me: "Andrey Vladimirovich, what was that?" - "You know, it was clinical death." She smiled and said: "No, life!"

What is this state into which the brain passes during clinical death? After all, death is death. We fix death when we see that breathing has stopped, the heart has stopped, the brain does not work, it cannot perceive information and, moreover, send it out.

So, the brain is only a transmitter, but there is something deeper, stronger in a person? And here we are faced with the concept of the soul. After all, this concept has almost been supplanted by the concept of the psyche. The psyche is, but the soul is not.

How would you like to die?

We asked both healthy and sick: "How would you like to die?" And people with certain characterological qualities built a model of death in their own way.

People with a schizoid type of character, such as Don Quixote, characterized their desire in a rather strange way: "We would like to die so that none of those around us could see my body."

Epileptoids - considered it inconceivable for themselves to lie quietly and wait for death to come, they should have been able to somehow participate in this process.

Cycloids are people like Sancho Panza who would like to die surrounded by relatives. Psychasthenics are anxious and suspicious people, worried about how they will look when they die. Hysteroids wanted to die at sunrise or sunset, on the seashore, in the mountains.

I compared these desires, but I remember the words of one monk who said: “I don't care what will surround me, what will be the situation around me. It is important for me that I die during prayer, thanking God for sending me life, and I saw the power and beauty of His creation. "

Heraclitus of Ephesus said: “On the night of death, a man kindles a light for himself; and he is not dead, extinguishing his eyes, but alive; but he comes into contact with the dead - dozing, while awake - comes into contact with the dormant, ”- a phrase over which one can puzzle almost all his life.

Being in contact with the patient, I could arrange with him so that when he dies, he would try to let me know if there is something behind the coffin or not. And I have received this answer more than once.

Once I made an agreement with one woman, she died, and I soon forgot about our agreement. And then one day, when I was at the dacha, I suddenly woke up from the fact that the light came on in the room. I thought that I forgot to turn off the light, but then I saw that the same woman was sitting on the bunk opposite me. I was delighted, began to talk to her, and suddenly I remembered - she died!

I thought I was dreaming all this, turned away and tried to sleep to wake up. Some time passed, I raised my head. The light was on again, I looked around in horror - she was still sitting on the bunk and looking at me. I want to say something, I can't - horror. I realized that there was a dead person in front of me. And suddenly she, with a sad smile, said: "But this is not a dream."

Why am I giving examples like this? Because the vagueness of what awaits us forces us to return to the old principle: "Do no harm."

That is, "do not rush death" is a powerful argument against euthanasia. To what extent do we have the right to intervene in the condition that the patient is experiencing?

How can we hasten his death when he may be experiencing the brightest life at this moment?

Quality of life and permission to die

It is not the number of days that we have lived that matters, but the quality. And what does the quality of life give? The quality of life makes it possible to be without pain, the ability to control your mind, the ability to be surrounded by relatives and family.

Why is communication with relatives so important? Because children often repeat the story of the life of their parents or relatives. Sometimes in the details, it's amazing. And this repetition of life is often a repetition of death.

The blessing of the family is very important, the parental blessing of the dying to the children, it can even save them later, protect them from something. Again, returning to the cultural heritage of fairy tales.

Remember the plot: an old father dies, he has three sons. He asks: "After my death, go to my grave for three days." The older brothers either do not want to go, or are afraid, only the younger, a fool, goes to the grave, and at the end of the third day, the father reveals to him some secret.

When a person passes away, he sometimes thinks: "Well, let me die, let me get sick, but let my family be healthy, let the illness end on me, I will pay the bills for the whole family." And so, having set a goal, no matter whether it be rational or affective, a person receives a meaningful departure from life.

A hospice is a home that offers a quality life. Not an easy death, but a quality life. This is a place where a person can end his life meaningfully and deeply, accompanied by relatives.

When a person leaves, air does not just come out of him, like from a rubber ball, he needs to make a leap, he needs strength in order to step into the unknown. A person must allow himself this step.

And the first permission he receives from his relatives, then from the medical staff, from volunteers, from the priest and from himself. And this permission to die from oneself is the most difficult thing.

You know that before suffering and prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, Christ asked His disciples: "Stay with Me, do not sleep." Three times the disciples promised Him to stay awake, but fell asleep without support. So, in a spiritual sense, a hospice is a place where a person can ask, "Stay with me."

And if such a great person - the Incarnate God - needed the help of a person, if He said: “I no longer call you slaves. I called you friends, ”addressing people, it is very important to follow this example and saturate the last days of the patient with spiritual content.

If you care about life and death issues,

You don't really understand what that means. But by the intonation of their voice, you immediately feel that this is a special day.

A carousel of grandparents, parents, relatives, neighbors revolves around you. And, even, uncles and aunts, whom you do not know, right from the doorway, give you gifts and congratulate you on this very birthday.

Toys, sweets, cake with candles. You are forgiven for all the whims and pranks. And you start to feel very important, very significant. You are the center of the universe.

This is how the birthday myth is born.

A beautiful myth, according to which, every year on the same day, you plunge into the holiday of your “I”, generously showering it with gifts and wishes, in the traditional decorations of a feast and a noisy company.

With age, the thrill of waiting for this day dulls or disappears altogether. You don't even have to invite guests, celebrating this day with loneliness. But in the depths of my soul there is a feeling of the unusualness of this day.

But life brings many surprises. And over the years, we suddenly discover that it is on our birthday that we are faced with grief and sadness of loss, instead of the usual joy.

It so happens that it is our birthday that is overshadowed by the departure of our loved ones, relatives, and loved ones to another world. Or their funeral or commemoration falls on our birthday.

And a lot of time will pass when the pain of loss subsides, we will recover from the blow and suddenly think (or maybe not) about the “coincidence” of these two events.

It also happens vice versa. When our birthday, or the birthday of our children falls on the date on which many years ago grandmother or grandfather, uncle or aunt, great-grandmother or great-grandfather or parents left this world.

This is how these two worlds intersect - Life and Death. But why are these two dates, different at first glance, so connected: Birthday and Death Day?

“There are gates to Life and Death,” wrote Berdyaev. And these gates open on these very days. True, we do not always notice this.

Our birthday is really not an ordinary day. We are open on this day.

All our energy channels, all subtle energy bodies are open. On our birthday, we are like a very sensitive antenna tuned to subtle vibrations.

Vibrations of what?

There are many names: Cosmos, Divine, Information field, the world of Light, the world of Shadows, the voice of Eternity, etc. Without getting into controversy, let's call it the vibrations of other worlds. But not in the sense of aliens, aliens, UFOs. And in the sense that there are other worlds in which the parameters of the measurement of space are qualitatively different from ours. That is why we cannot see or touch these worlds in the usual way, familiar to us.

Let us recall an example from a school textbook that a fly sees all movements in slow motion, like slow motion frames of a movie. This allows her to fly away from danger in time. What in our mind looks like a moment, a second, is stretched out in the “world of flies” for tens of seconds or minutes. Because the parameters of time in the “world of flies” are different from ours.

Similarly, in other worlds, parallel or intersecting, space may not be three-dimensional, like ours, but two-, five-, six-, ten-dimensional. This is one of the reasons why it is difficult for us to establish communication, contact with other worlds. We are like radios tuned to different frequencies.

But there is a time when our “frequencies” are able to perceive the “frequencies” of other worlds.

And one of the points when they "coincide" is the birthday.

It is on our birthday, thanks to our openness, that we are able to receive information from other worlds.

The Gates of Life and Death are opening for us. Through these Gates we receive information about ourselves, about our essence, about our true “I”.

But often we don’t hear it or don’t want to hear it, replacing it with fake information of laudatory toasts and wishes.

And when our deafness reaches a critical limit, that's when it is punched like a brick wall. Then such polar events “coincide” in a single date: the birthday and the day of death of loved ones.

What do our loved ones want to tell us about, "timing" the day of their departure to another world, or a funeral, commemoration to our birthday?

There is a certain generic connection, which is expressed not only by biological and genetic parameters, but also occurs at a subtle energy level.

Such an energetic connection can "work" not only along the line of direct kinship: mother-son-grandfather-aunt, etc. The wife can "turn on" in energy ties with the husband's relatives and vice versa.

The meaning of such a connection, in each specific case, must be considered individually. But one thing in common is that there is a powerful influx of energy, the meaning of which we do not always understand (or feel). This energy, like getting a missing link in a chain, allows us to solve important problems. Because it was her (or energy of this quality) that we lacked. We seem to be "opened" by energy channels that are "responsible" for our ability to solve certain problems.

Our relatives and friends give support to us living!

They, who have gone through the earthly experience of life, who have known joys and sorrows, ups and downs, help us walk our path.

It's not about a sequel educational process"Fathers and Sons". This is not the case.

In my astrological practice, there was such an example. Woman V. was expecting the birth of a child. But the pregnancy was delayed. The child seemed to be in no hurry to go out into the world. The contractions began on the birthday of this child's grandfather, who died long before the baby was born. Comparison of the horoscopes showed that it was on this day that the child received a big energy "slap". As if grandfather was saying: "Wake up, baby, it's time, don't be lazy!" The birth went well.

Another example. Just before his 23rd birthday, S.'s grandfather dies. It happened on June 19. And on June 21, S.'s birthday, his funeral took place. The analysis of the horoscopes showed that the grandfather, who loved his granddaughter very much, thus gave her the energy "responsible" for good luck in family life... But S. did not work out. The first marriage was not happy.

Some time later S. got married a second time. It turned out that her husband's birthday is June 19. His date of birth "coincided" with the date of death of his wife's grandfather.

When such "coincidences" occur in our life, we cannot always understand their meaning. Most often, we evaluate such situations as huge bad luck, or, even, as the intervention of black forces.

But no matter how we relate to this, any such "coincidence" of events carries a huge amount of information. Whether we want to know it, whether we want to use it in our lives are questions of a different order.

Ever since childhood, I noticed such coincidences that very often, in almost every family there is such a pattern that grandchildren and grandmothers are born "together". Not necessarily in one day, but close - in one week, for example, or with a difference of 10-15 days.

There are three such cases in my family, and I myself gave birth to a daughter 4 days before my mother's birthday. My daughter did not wait, she wanted to see the world)

This is found in almost every family. Why? What's the riddle?

I read an interesting opinion on this topic on one forum.

It said that such coincidences carry an inner meaning hidden in family program... A person is born for a reason, but with a specific task from the point of view of his kind - these people, born on the same day or very close, have the same task.But this does not mean at all that in the life of these people events should coincide. They shouldn't be the same at all. The date is a coincidence of internal programs, the event side should not be repeated, but the level inner experiences or the comprehension of life can be repeated.

Still, I wonder why this is happening?

By the way, I have noticed more than once that if grandmothers and grandchildren are born on the same day or very close, then in the future these people will have rather good mutual understanding and warm relations. Often better than with other grandchildren or another grandmother.

Such coincidences also often occur when children in the same family are born in a certain narrow period of time. That is, the difference between their birthdays is very small. True, in this case, you can somehow this can be explained from a medical point of view, apparently in some months their mother managed to get pregnant easier.

By the way, a very small difference in the dates of birth often happens with cousins ​​and sisters - you can't explain it here, because mothers are different)

A curious example from life. One friend was born on May 13, and her brother was born on May 15. They grew up, created their own families, they had children ... his daughter is born on May 13, and her son is ... on May 15))

Naturally, such coincidences are not always and not for everyone.
Tell us about your interesting cases.

And can you somehow explain such a connection?

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