What time to get married? Age of marriage in the world. How marriage is concluded in Islam: preparation for a wedding and traditions How to get married in different countries

Early marriage is a very vague concept. For example, the official language of jurisprudence considers a marriage contracted by young people before reaching a certain legal age as early. However, people are sure that the earliest is the family created at the age of 18-20. And psychologists argue that marriages are not tied to the age factor, since there is a certain category of people who, even at 40, are not aware of the consequences of their actions and are not ready to answer for them.

What motivates young people who decide to enter into official relations? Indeed, sometimes 13-14-year-olds submit documents to the registry office, without waiting for the onset of adulthood.

Reasons for early marriage

As a rule, such an act becomes a not entirely pleasant surprise for parents, and they want to know the reasons that prompted their child to take on such a huge responsibility at a time when it is not yet psychologically ready for such a serious step. Experts believe that couples are ready to arrange early marriage:

• Between them there is a strong love and desire to be with a partner 24 hours a day. The guys are not ready to perceive reality, so at this stage they are not worried about the issues of unsettled life or lack of funds.
• Those who want to legitimize their sexual life, since they live in families where intimate relationships are still a taboo topic, and parents remain extremely strict with respect to upbringing. To satisfy natural curiosity, a guy and a girl decide in marriage and formalize their relationship in a legislative way.
• Expecting a baby. Pregnancy is the most common reason for early marriage, and a man does not always agree to this step voluntarily. Most often, the girl's parents force him, threatening to go to the police.
• Those who want to get rid of excessive parental control and guardianship. And vice versa, because at home young people face domestic violence and neglect.
• Doing this in spite of their former lovers, in order to finally part with the past and psychologically accept a new relationship.

Pros and cons of early marriage

Most often, early marriages break up after a couple of years. Often, young people live like a cat and a dog, but do not get divorced, fearing to disappoint their parents again. And there are couples in whom a free relationship is established. But among the huge number of unsuccessful marriages, you can find those that continue happily. Moreover, young people eventually get on their feet, have children and spend their whole lives together.

Such statistics do not allow us to assert that early marriages have some disadvantages, there are also advantages that cannot be kept silent. So let's take a look first negative aspects early family creation, which include:

• The changes caused by the birth of a child, when you have to forget about yourself and your desires. Teenagers are rarely ready to change their lives like that, so sooner or later the couple begins to quarrel, conflict, hidden and obvious grievances appear, leading to divorce.
• Lack of understanding of the complexities of marriage. We are talking about routine, difficulties with everyday life, the need to provide a family with money and take care of children, the desire to walk and have fun instead of going home and doing duties.
• Incompatibility of sexual desires. Young wives do not feel the same desire as their husbands, so a conflict of interest arises when girls want romance, gentle words and walks under the moon, and their husbands - the other way around. In addition, a young spouse, due to inexperience, simply cannot satisfy the interests of her chosen one, therefore, in 99% of 100%, a man is cheating on his soul mate. But the worst thing is that after such a marriage, a woman loses faith in the opposite sex, and her husband begins to view infidelity as a normal phenomenon.

But still, early marriages are not devoid of and pluses, among which the following can be noted:

• Stormy feelings force young people to forgive each other, not to notice shortcomings and learn to show tenderness and care, suppressing their own selfishness.
• A wedding at a young age brings a girl as much happiness as there will not be in any other. She feels like a queen, and this feeling helps to fight against youthful complexes.
• At a young age, the feeling of maximalism makes it easier to endure difficulties, lack of money, stress.
• A young family can get rid of parental supervision much faster and begins to plan their lives independently, without reporting to anyone.
• The couple grows up psychologically faster, becomes independent, responsible, and not only for themselves, but also for their soul mate, and even more so for the child.
• Young people together build the financial foundation of their marriage, so the question of someone getting married or getting married for money does not darken their future together.
• At a young age, there are still no established habits for years, so the rubbing process is faster, as well as adaptation to each other. In adulthood, it is much more difficult to rebuild, both physically and psychologically.
• It is easier for young people to form their own family traditions and customs. Those who are older, as a rule, try to accustom their half to the foundations that were adopted in their families.
• It is easier for a married young man to look for a job than for someone who does not have a serious relationship, since employers consider him to be more responsible and serious. But with girls it's the opposite. A young wife cannot devote herself to work in the way that an unmarried employee would. In addition, there is a risk that she will go on maternity leave, so recruiters in 8 cases out of 10 refuse such applicants.
• The health of young people is much better than that of 30-35-year-old spouses. That is why it is easier for them to endure all the hardships of life, including sleepless nights with a baby in their arms.

Statistics of early marriages and divorces in Russia

A large number of Russian girls, according to statistics, legalize relationships at the age of 18-24, and boys - at 25-34 years. As for the early official relations, 5-6 years ago their number exceeded 1.215 million marriages. Moreover, there were significantly more underage wives in pairs than husbands: 1698 girls and 1131 boys, respectively.

Over the past 2-3 years, these numbers have changed, and there are significantly fewer early marriages. Nevertheless, this issue remains problematic both for Russia and for the whole world, because out of 6.7 marriages, 5 end in a break in relations, despite the fact that many couples already have small children.

The earliest marriages in the world

There is no state in the world where the official age of a girl, which allows her to marry, would exceed the age at which a man can marry. That is why there are countries where young people can get officially married at the age of 9-18. Of course, legislative norms may provide for some exceptions, but there are states in which not the law is strong, but national traditions. Therefore, they easily learned to bypass the official norms.

12 year old girls can marry in Paraguay, Spain, Ecuador and Canada. In some individual states of North America, a girl must be 13 years old to marry, and citizens of Colombia, Argentina, Peru and Italy can marry at the age of 14. But it should be noted that in developed countries, young ladies rarely use this right, wishing to study and develop in their careers.

But this is not the limit! The situation is much more serious in the countries of the Islamic world. For example, in almost all settlements in Afghanistan and Nepal, only early marriages are concluded, and at the age of 14-15, young men and women can officially seal their union.

But in India there are villages where the smallest brides were only 10 years old, but since the law does not officially allow such a marriage, weddings are arranged at night, in secret from representatives of the city administration and the police.

Where can you get married at 12, and where you shouldn't think about getting married until 22?

“My Vanya was younger than me, my world, and I was 13 years old” - this is how Tatyana’s nanny described her marriage in “Eugene Onegin”. Indeed, back in the 18th-19th centuries, the church established the marriageable age of 13 years for women and 15 years for men. It was believed that at this age young people are already ripe for married life, and since boys grow up later, they need to marry later. Only in accordance with the imperial decree of 1830, the marriageable age was raised to 16 for the bride and 18 for the groom. Now in Russia, both men and women can get married at the age of 18, but in different countries the age of marriage varies greatly.

Scotland: 16

In almost all European countries, you can get married on your own from the age of 18. But there are exceptions - for example, Scotland, which from time immemorial was considered a paradise for lovers. As now, it was allowed to marry there from the age of 16 without parental consent, while back in the 18th-19th centuries, parents in England could forbid their children to marry before the age of majority, which then began at 21 years old. And so young people from all over the island fled to Scotland. Until 1940, a provision was in force there, according to which it was enough, in front of witnesses, to declare their desire to become spouses, and the marriage was considered concluded. It was also valid in England.

It is no coincidence that the tiny village of Gretna Green, the closest to the English border, gained romantic fame. Young people came here as best they could: some by land, some by sea, some explicitly, some secretly. They were often persecuted by angry relatives. For example, in 1782, John Fein, Earl of Westmoreland, escaped to Gretna Green with the daughter of a London banker. Her father organized a chase, and the pursuers shot and killed the main horse in the harness, on which the young lovers were racing in a mail carriage. But that didn't stop them. Having cut the reins, they continued on their way, breaking away from the pursuit, reached the village and got married.

There was also an interesting tradition in Gretna Green: the wedding ceremony was performed by a blacksmith, who acted as a priest and a witness. By the way, you can swear loyalty to the blows of the hammer on the anvil even now. Just for a marriage to be valid, a priest is still needed. He can conduct a ceremony in one of the premises of the old smithy, and then the newlyweds will have a ceremony with an anvil.

USA: 15-21

In the United States, the age of marriage is different and is determined by the laws of each state. In most cases, it is 18 years for both men and women, and with parental consent - 16. But there are exceptions. For example, in the state of Georgia, young people can get married at 15 with parental consent, and at 16 without their consent if they are expecting a child. In New Hampshire, with the consent of their parents, girls can get married at 13 years old, and young people at 14. Massachusetts has the highest marriageable age - up to 21 years old, you cannot stamp your passport without the knowledge of your elders. However, the lowest threshold for marriage with parental consent has not been determined. But still, in practice, young people are allowed to start a family from the age of 17, and girls - not earlier than 15.

China: 20 and 22

China has the highest marriageable age in the world: 20 for women and 22 for men. But to this limit it was raised relatively recently - the modern marriage law entered into force on January 1, 1981. It is believed that by this age people can become quite independent both emotionally and materially and make an informed choice.

It is interesting that in medieval China there was a completely opposite situation. Then, according to the law, 20 years was the age limit at which a girl could get married. Men could marry up to 30. These were Confucius's ideas about the age of marriage. Girls were allowed to marry from 13 years old, and young people from 15. Compliance with the law was supervised by a special official: he compiled lists of 30-year-old men and 20-year-old women in his region and made sure that after reaching the threshold of marriageable age they formed couples with each other and got married. If young people still did not dare to tie the knot, they should have understood: now they will have to remain a bachelor all their lives.

India: 18 and 21

Now Indian girls can officially marry from the age of 18, and young people from the age of 21. But it was not always so. The tradition of child marriage has flourished in India for a long time. The 1921 census identified over 600 girls under the age of one who were already married. The problem of children's weddings was worried by Mahatma Gandhi, the spiritual leader and main ideologist of the national liberation movement in India. On his behalf, the law of Sardis was developed, which prevents the conclusion of early marriages. Ironically, it was prepared by the famous lawyer Harbilas Sarda, who himself had been married since the age of 9. By the way, Mahatma Gandhi himself got married at the age of 13.

However, many Indians still have not written laws. The 2001 census showed that 3 million Indian women became mothers before they were 15 years old. Child marriages can be contracted during mass marriages that take place regularly in Indian settlements.

One of the explanations for the tradition of early marriage says: in the XI century, Muslim conquerors came to India. They regarded unmarried Hindu women as war booty. Fearing for the fate of their daughters, the parents began to marry them off in infancy. Then the conquerors left, but the tradition remained. Now there is an economic explanation for this. Child marriage is actively practiced among the lower social strata. By marrying their daughters at an early age, parents reduce their maintenance costs, since from that moment on, the husband's family is responsible for the young wife. But for a reason: she receives free labor to help with the household.

Tunisia: 17 and 20

Girls in Tunisia can get married from 17 years old, and young people from 20. But modern young people prefer to start a family later. It is normal for men to marry here after 35, and women quietly get married at 25 and even 30 years old. For a Muslim country, this is very late, considering that even less than a century ago, 14-year-old brides did not surprise anyone here. It's just that the country is actively developing: women receive education, they can relax abroad, including without the accompaniment of men, they often dress in a European manner.

But it was not only the policy of gender equality that led to an increase in the marriageable age. One of the reasons is the high cost of the festive ritual itself. The wedding is celebrated for seven days. At the same time, not only newlyweds, but also their closest relatives, friends and girlfriends should appear at the celebration in rich outfits, and a man, before marrying, should be able to provide for a young wife. In addition, for treason in Tunisia, there is a prison sentence for both women and men. Therefore, local residents try to approach the creation of a family consciously.

Ecuador: 12 and 14

In Ecuador, the age of marriage is one of the lowest in the world: 12 years for girls and 14 for young people. Traditionally, it was believed that it was at this age that young people mature and mature in order to become parents. But now the law does not encourage early marriage in Ecuador. The minimum age for marriage is set at 12 and 14 years, but if one of the couple is under 18, then the consent of his parents or guardians is required. The reality is simple: parents usually agree and teenagers get married. There are especially many early marriages in rural areas.

Incidentally, a population census conducted by the Institute for Statistics and Qualifications of Ecuador (INEC) in 2001 revealed 23,869 married teenagers aged 12-17. The 2010 census showed that the number of marriages among minors decreased by 43.3%, to 13 517. However, recently the country's authorities have decided to raise the age of marriage. A new Ecuadorian Civil Procedure Code is already being prepared, which will establish a uniform age for marriage: 18 years. And no indulgences - from 12 to 14 years old, teenagers will not be able to marry even with parental consent. The government decided to take these measures due to the fact that now so low the age of marriage actually violates the rights of children - by getting married, many children drop out of school. Especially girls, who are traditionally raised primarily as future wives and mothers.

The first parliamentary elections since the withdrawal of American troops were held in Iraq. Although their official results will be summed up only at the end of May, it is already possible to say with a high degree of probability that the current Shiite Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki will become the winner. Meanwhile, one of the campaign promises of his cabinet was the adoption of the Jafari Personal Status Law, which allows marrying little girls.

Shocking reports about the mores of the Islamic world get into the press with enviable regularity. So, a couple of years ago, Western society was shocked by the news that in Egypt, where the Islamists came to power at that time, they intend to legalize necrophilia. Say, within 24 hours after the death of a woman, her husband has the right to have sexual intercourse with her. This news was soon denied, but, as is usually the case, the exposure attracted much less attention than the "duck" itself.

Basically, the emergence and spread of such messages is a consequence of Islamophobia and the absence of even basic ideas about the foundations of Muslim culture. But it happens that seemingly completely wild initiatives really become laws in Islamic countries.

This is the case with the Iraqi Jafari Personal Status Law. This legal norm legalizes marital rape (a husband has the right to have sex with his wife even if she does not want to), prohibits women from leaving the house without the permission of their spouse, and in the event of a divorce, all children over two years old are automatically taken into the custody of their father. But the most egregious provisions of the Jafari Law relate to changing the marriageable age.

The current age of marriage in Iraq is 18 years. With the permission of the guardians, you can get married even at 15. This procedure has existed in the country since 1959. However, according to the Law of Jafari, the age of marriage for boys should be reduced to 15 years, and for girls, or rather girls, to nine! Moreover, girls under the age of nine can also get married, but only with the permission of their father or grandfather.

The Jafari Law was approved by the government back in February. Now it remains for parliament to ratify it.

Recently, the bill has been criticized both inside and outside Iraq. For example, when this legal norm had not yet been submitted to parliament, the relevant statement was made by the human rights organization Human Rights Watch (HRW). “Passing the Jafari Law would be a disastrous and discriminatory move against Iraqi women and girls,” said Joe Stork, HRW's deputy head for the Middle East. "This personal status law will only reinforce inequality in Iraq at a time when the government claims to support equal rights for all."

The authors of the bill themselves are not at all embarrassed by the criticism. “There are people who do not like this law, but we don’t give a damn about them because they are opponents of Islam,” said a spokesman for the Minister of Justice. And the liberal press was rebuked by Ali al-Mussawi, an adviser to Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki. “Some media portray the case as if Iraq is rolling back into the past. But this is not true. In the West, people talk about gay marriage. This is something that we will never discuss, and it is contrary to our nature and religion, ”he said.

Talking that marriage with young girls does not contradict Islam makes sense. One of the Prophet's wives, Aisha, was married to him when she was only six years old, and she married three years later, that is, just after reaching the nine-year age prescribed in the Law of Jafari. True, at the same time it is not said anywhere that marriage automatically meant the beginning of sexual activity.

The reference to Aisha's age is still of decisive importance for the fate of many girls in Muslim countries today. Including it directly concerns the young citizens of Saudi Arabia. In the laws of this country, in principle, there is no concept of "marriageable age". When deciding on the admissibility of a particular union, local residents are guided by the judgments of theologians, and they, in turn, believe that girls can get married from the age of nine. Unsurprisingly, by the time they reach adulthood, roughly 16 percent of Saudi girls are already married.

Sometimes unequal marriages in Saudi Arabia take on tragicomedy features. For example, a story made a lot of noise, the protagonist of which was a 90-year-old man who married a 15-year-old girl. For consent to this marriage, he paid the bride's parents 65 thousand riyals (just over 17 thousand dollars). However, the social unit did not work out: immediately after the wedding, the newlywed locked herself in a room for several days. As a result, the disappointed spouse filed a lawsuit against the girl's family, considering himself deceived.

The situation in Afghanistan is even sadder. Almost every fifth girl there is married off before she turns 15. In 2009, the country adopted a law protecting the rights of women. Including this legal norm prohibited forced and early marriages. But this prescription is not observed by everyone and everywhere. According to a UN report, prosecutions of cases of violence against women increased by only two percent over the year. Obviously, against the background of such problems as the possibility of revenge by the Taliban after the withdrawal of American troops or the fight against colossal drug trafficking, few people remember the girls married against their will.

Meanwhile, many Afghans consider it permissible to improve their financial situation at the expense of kalym, which is relying on a young bride. Such is the case of a resident of Jowzjan province named Ramadan. A drug addict and in debt, he agreed to marry his seven-year-old daughter to a 35-year-old man for $ 2,000. In the new house, the girl had a hard life - during the year of her married life, she ran away to her parents several times, hoping to hide there from the beatings of her husband and mother-in-law. However, each time the husband took her back. It is not known how this story would have ended if the girl's mother had not turned to human rights defenders. As a result, Ramadan, his son-in-law and the mullah who performed the marriage ceremony were arrested.

The struggle to raise the marriageable age is going on with particular drama in Yemen. The problem of child marriage in this country has caught the attention of the whole world after a heartbreaking story that happened last year. Then the eight-year-old girl died on her wedding night, injured during sex with her 40-year-old husband. The indignation of human rights organizations was so great that even the head of European diplomacy, Catherine Ashton, had to speak on this matter.

But do not think that early marriage is a vice inherent only in Muslim countries. According to UNICEF, 40 percent of these weddings are played in India. True, there the age difference between the bride and groom is usually not very large. And they begin to live together upon reaching the age of 15-16. But the union itself is concluded by their parents, often when the future spouses are still quite children. This practice is prohibited by law. But even the prospect of spending two years in prison and being fined a decent amount by Indian standards does not scare the organizers of such weddings too much.

Returning to Iraq: supporters of the "Jafari law" argue that it only legalizes what is already commonplace. In 2011, almost 25 percent of girls got married before the age of 18 (for comparison: in 1997, there were only 15 percent). If the law is adopted, its authors argue, it will benefit the girls themselves, since their relationship with their husbands will be supported by a legal basis. And if so, then it will be easier for them to defend their rights. But, as the case of a Yemeni girl who died on the matrimonial bed shows, sometimes the consequences of marriage are such that there is no one to fight for their rights.

In Vedic time As can be seen from the wedding hymns in the Rig Veda and Atharva Veda, the bride and groom were adults who were able to make choices and consent to marriage. It was assumed that the groom had a house where his wife could be mistress even if his parents, brothers and sisters for some reason 42) lived with, and thus she was given a dominant position in the household (Atharvaveda, XIV , 1, 44). This would be impossible if the wife were a child.

Vedic teachings suggest that a married couple is old enough to love each other, be husband and wife, and parents of children. At almost every step, a formula was repeated showing that they could already be parents. The taking of the hand and the conjugal union are essential elements of the Vedic wedding ceremony. All this shows that the marriage took place when the girl was an adult. 43)

In the Vedas, unmarried girls are often mentioned who grow old in the house of their parents (Rig Veda, I, 117, 7; II, 17, 7; X, 39, 3). The girls living in their parents' house talked with the youth of the village.
At the time of the Rig Veda, the girl did not marry until maturity. Before marriage could be thought of, she had to fully develop physically. Surya, the daughter of Surya (Sun), was married to Soma (Month) only when she became a young girl desiring a husband. 44) Ghosha, a rishi woman, got married when her youth was almost over. could arrange their own marriages. In the "Rig Veda" (X, 145) and "Atharva Veda" (III, 18; II, 30; III, 25; VI, 8, etc.) we find numerous actions and spells with the aim of attracting men and women. The lover tries to put the whole house to sleep when he visits his beloved (Atharvaveda, IV, 5).

The Atharva Veda mentions kumariputra (the son of an unmarried woman), which means that a girl could have given birth to a child before marriage. These testimonies leave no doubt that the bride and groom were adults at the time of the marriage. There is only a few dubious evidence of the existence of child marriage in the Vedic period.

Grhyasutra wedding rituals also show that marriage usually took place after the girl reached maturity. The conjugal union could take place immediately after the wedding ceremony.
According to the Paraskara Grhyasutra (I, 8, 21), the married couple had to eat salty food for three days, sleep on the ground and not cohabit for a year, twelve nights, six or at least three nights. The latter possibility speaks of the maturity of the bride.
Baudhayana Grhyasutra (IV, 1, 16) provides for the possibility that the bride may have her period during the wedding.

During the Grhyasutra period, there was no re-marriage system, 45) which would prove the existence of child marriage. Thus, the prescriptions about the timing of abstinence after coming to the husband's house, as well as about the need to start marriage only after some time, can only apply to an adult girl. In the later grhyasutras, however, a tendency towards lowering the marriageable age can be seen. Gobhila (II, 1) and the author of Manava-Grhyasutra (I, 7, 12) declare that the best bride is a nudge (literally, “naked”). This shows that in their time, later marriages, although still common, were discouraged. 46)

During the Ramayana and Mahabharata the girls were also adults by the time of marriage. In the first chapter of the Ramayana, it is described that after the brides came to Ayodhya, they, having paid appropriate respect to their elders, lived happily with their husbands, which implies marriage after the onset of maturity. Sita in the Ramayana says to Anasuya: “When my father saw that I had reached marriageable age, he became very concerned, like a person who has lost his property. After a long time, the famous Raghava came here with Vishwamitra to see the Yajna ”(I, 119, 34). This statement shows that the girl could have waited a long time after maturity for a suitable match.

However, in Book III of the Ramayana, the words are put into the mouth of Sita that when Ravana came to kidnap her, she was eighteen years old, and her husband was twenty-five, and that they had spent twelve years in Ayodhya. Thus, Sita's age at the time of marriage is reduced to six years. But it should be noted that the epic has been edited several times and these verses are a late interpolation, completely inconsistent with the convincing evidence of adult marriage. Bhavabhuti in his Uttararamacharita simply reflects the customs of his time, when he, based on this text of the Ramayana, describes Sita as a girl-bride.

The Mahabharata, like the Ramayana, provides evidence that adult marriage was common. Hearing about Shakuntala's marriage in the manner of the Gandharvas, 47) Kanva expresses his feelings as follows: “Oh, she has a pure smile! A lot of your periods were wasted. Now you have become capable of being born. You have not committed a sin ”(I, 94, 65).
In the dialogue between Uma and Maheshwara, a girl who has reached maturity is called eligible for marriage. “A girl who takes a bath after her period is considered clean. Let the father, brother, mother, mother's brother and father's brother give her in marriage ”(XII, 286, 6). Even in later classical Sanskrit writings the same has been preserved.
In Sanskrit dramas, the main thing is a love affair or marriage for love, which is possible only in the case of adult couples. 48) In subsequent years, the marriageable age of the bride became lower and lower.

Dharmasutras which were recorded around 500 BC. e., clearly show the trend of decreasing the marriageable age of the bride. They usually think that a girl gets married before she reaches maturity. But they allow her to wait a while if the elders do not arrange her marriage at the proper time. Vasishtha (XVII, 6-7) and Baudhayana (IV, 1.14) speak of three years, while Gautama (XVIII, 20) and (XXIV, 41) speak of three months. Although it is considered desirable for marriage to take place before maturity, the Dharmasutras do not talk about the sin that occurs as a result of later marriage, do not dishonor those who do not marry off a girl and do not threaten them, which is characteristic of later authorities. Probably, marriages were usually arranged before the age of 16. The various stages of the evolution of child marriage can be traced in the smriti literature. In the same dharmashastra we find texts that do not see sin in adult marriage and others that recommend child marriage. This can only be explained if we assume a gradual transition from the Vedic custom of adult marriage to the spread of child marriage. 49)

In frequently cited text Manu(IX, 88) the question of the fact that a father must marry his daughter by all means to the same groom and possessing high dignity, is given more importance than the problem of her maturity. “According to the rule, a daughter who has not even reached (the age of majority) must be passed off as a groom from a good family, handsome. But it is better for a girl, even an adult, to remain in (her father's) house until her death, than to be given to him as a wife (to a man) who is deprived of good qualities ”(IX, 89).
And we also find in the "Laws of Manu" (IX, 90): "A girl who has reached maturity is supposed to wait three years, but after that she can choose her own husband, equal to herself." But although these verses emphasize the choice of an equal groom, on the one hand, the expression "not even reached (adulthood)" speaks of marriage before maturity, on the other hand, the expression "three years, etc." shows that if there is no suitable groom, then marriage can be postponed until the onset of menstruation and even for a long time after that. And when Manu soon afterwards prescribes that a thirty-year-old man should marry a twelve-year-old girl, and a twenty-four-year-old girl should marry an eight-year-old girl, and immediately, if the dharma suffers damage (1X, 94), perhaps this verse can be seen as a statement in favor of speeding up the wedding even with a minor girl.

But in later periods than the period of the "Laws of Manu", child marriages were certainly prescribed. Baudhayana argues that "a girl who is still immature should be given to a virtuous pure husband, and if she has reached maturity, even an unworthy man should not be refused." The strict ones concerning marriage before maturity have become even more harsh because their violation entailed bad consequences for those who did not marry the girl.50) While Manu (IX, 4) only condemns the father who does not betray daughter to marry at the proper time, Vasishtha states: "For fear of maturity, let the father give his daughter in marriage while she still walks naked (nagnika), 51) because if she remains in the house after reaching marriageable age, the sin falls on the father" (XVII , 70).

Later, they became so much afraid of marriage after maturity that smriti prescribed an even lower age of marriage. They classify girls who can be married into five classes: 1) nadnik (naked), 2) gauri (eight years old), 3) rohini (nine years old), 4) kanya (ten years old), 5) rajaswala 52) (after ten years ). The bridle was considered the best bride.
Some authorities give ridiculous prescriptions. For example, a later interpolation in the Mahabharata says: “Let the father give his daughter in marriage to a suitable husband immediately after birth. By giving his daughter in marriage at the appropriate time, he acquires religious merit. " According to the Brahma Purana, a girl should also be married as a child: “Let a father give his daughter to a handsome husband when she is still a child. And if he does not give, sin will fall on him. Let him marry off his daughter at the age of four to ten by any means. She should be given in marriage until she knows female bashfulness and plays with sand. And if he doesn't give it away, the father commits a sin. "
Child marriage has become so widespread that commentators in the Middle Ages and in the Muslim period of Indian history have tried to interpret the ancient texts in favor of adult marriage differently. For example, they say that verses like “let her be unmarried if there is no suitable husband” does not raise the age of marriage, but only emphasize that the groom must be suitable. When child marriages began to spread, it is impossible to establish with certainty, probably at the beginning of AD. NS. At first, they were not common in all strata of Indian society.

In the beginning, the groom's age did not decrease with the bride's age. But when the system ceased to be observed, the marriageable age of young men dropped. Over time, in order to make the pair suitable, the boy's age was as lowered as the girl's. Although these sacred rules became more widespread and finally became essential to orthodox marriage, it seems that adult couples marriages remained common for centuries until the Middle Ages. Otherwise, it would be difficult to explain the neglect of this custom in medieval drama and epic and the medieval Rajput custom of adult marriage. Ancient Indian medical writers also recognized that a girl, even in India, does not reach full physical development until the age of 16. Sushruta (35, 8) says: "A man reaches his prime at 25, and a girl at 16. A wise doctor should know this." , cohabits with a girl under the age of sixteen, the fetus dies in the womb, and if the child is born, he does not live long or will be frail. Therefore, cohabitation with a woman who is too young should not be allowed.

In India today, all progressive people are in favor of adult marriage and medieval orthodoxy is becoming a thing of the past. The Government of India has also passed a Child Marriage Restriction Act to end this unwanted practice. 54)

Notes (edit)
43) The wedding ritual, of course, cannot but mean an adult couple. However, the author rightly points out that a decrease in the age of marriage became a trend in the post-Vedic period, and mainly child marriages spread already in medieval India.
44) This refers to the myth set forth in the wedding hymn of the Rig Veda (X, 85).
45) In medieval India, in connection with the development of the system of child marriage, the custom of remarriage appeared. The actual marriage ceremony was the second, abbreviated marriage ceremony, which was immediately followed by the garbhadhana ritual. The first wedding became, in essence, a solemn betrothal, although it had, from a legal point of view, the force of a marriage ceremony (in particular, if the young groom died, his "wife" was considered a widow and had no right to remarry).
46) On the development of child marriage in India, see: Jolly J. Beiträge zur indischen Rechtsgeschichte // Zeitschrift der Deutschen Morgenländischen Gesellscnaft. Bd. 46; Bhandarkar R. History of Child-Marriage // Ibid. Bd. 47.
47) This refers to the plot of the Mahabharata, which served as the basis for the famous drama of Kalidasa.
48) One should, of course, take into account the specifics of the source. Adult characters are needed for love lyrics and drama. However, even during the period of the greatest spread of child marriage, marriages of an adult couple were not at all excluded (except, perhaps, the most orthodox Brahman circles).
49) That the custom of early marriages, at least among the population of Northwest India, existed already in the 4th century. BC e., evidenced by the messages of ancient writers based on the notes of the participants in the campaign of Alexander the Great to India. It is possible that the engagement of children was an ancient custom of some of the Aryan tribes.
50) P. Thieme in a special article proves that the custom of child marriage is a consequence of the strict requirement of the virginity of the bride, and the latter is connected with the idea that the virginity of the bride is a condition for the legality of marriage. Only the one who first possessed a girl can claim her the rights of a legal spouse (see: Thieme P. Jungfrauēngatte, sanskr. Kaumārah patih, Homer, kovpiδios Poσis, lat. Maritus // Thieme P. Kleine Schriften. Wiesbaden, 1971. Bd . I). Since the woman in Indian literature is constantly identified with the field, the well-known legal definition that the field belongs to the one who cut down the forest also applies to the right to a woman (this text in Manu is precisely in the context of marriage law IX, 44). This is, of course, only about the ideological basis of the custom of child marriage, we do not touch now on its social reasons.
51) The age of the bolsters is usually determined at about six to seven years. Sometimes it is believed that either the term "naglet" should be understood differently, or it means infancy, since it is unlikely that up to six or seven years old girls could walk without clothes. Compare, however, the message of Afanasy Nikitin: "Little girls and little girls go naked until they are seven years old, but they are not covered with litter" (Walking across the Three Seas of Afanasy Nikitin. M., L., 1948, p. 12). According to P. Thieme, the original meaning of the nugget is not “naked” in the sense of without clothes, but one that does not yet have pubic hair and armpits, that is, has not reached maturity. In this case, the Grhyasutras do not recommend child marriage in the full sense of the word, but marriage just before the onset of maturity (see: Thieme P. Kleine Schriften. Wiesbaden, 1971. Bd. I. S. 439).
52) Rajasvala is the one who started her period.
53) The point of view of the doctor, of course, should be different from the approach of the authors of the texts on religious piety - dharma. Also, erotic literature speaks of the marriage of an adult couple, and the husband must be at least three years older than his wife (see: Kamasutra, III, 1, 2; Kāmasūtra of Vātsyayana. Bombay, 1970. P. 141; Schmidt R. Kāmasūtra des Vatsyayana. Leipzig, 1910).
54) Child marriage is currently prohibited in India. The legal minimum age for the groom is 18 and the age of the bride is 16.

Choosing a marriage partner

The greatest event in India is the wedding. After the wedding, the life of a Hindu changes radically: youth gives way to maturity. Traditionally, the choice of a spouse does not depend on the bride and groom, but on the interests of the parents. Some parents agree on the marriage of their child at birth, but most agree later. In the past, the marriageable age was very young. In Rajasthan, children under the age of five were even married. Across India, it was customary to marry girls between the ages of 8 and 12. The boys were also married early. Thus, Mahatma Gandhi and the first President of the Republic of India, Rajendra Prasad, married their peers at the age of 13. The 1921 census recorded more than 600 brides between the ages of 1 and 12 months . Upon learning of this information, Gandhi persuaded lawyer Haar Bilas Sharda to prepare a bill to discourage early marriage. Curiously, the lawyer himself was married at the age of 9. The Sharda Law, limiting the age of marriage to 14 for girls and 18 for boys, came into force in 1929.

In 1955, India passed a law allowing marriage upon reaching the age of 18. In 1978, the law was amended to allow marriage for men from the age of 21 and women from the age of 18. These restrictions are still in effect. However, the law is only partially enforced. While members of the upper castes and most of the townspeople abstain from early marriage in an effort to educate children, the rural poor and members of the lower castes continue to enter into child marriage. By marrying their daughters at an early age, parents thereby reduce their maintenance costs. The groom's family, in turn, acquires a free work unit on the farm. In large families, in order to save money, parents try to marry all children at the same time. According to a 2007 survey, 47% of Indian women are married before the age of 18. At the same time, 13% of women in labor were girls 17 years old or less. Social assistance and advocacy are gradually reducing the number of early marriages, but slowly - the established traditions are strong, especially in the countryside.

Orthodox Hinduism does not prohibit polygamy: polygamy was widespread among the high castes. "Kama Sutra" (III-IV centuries) and subsequent manuals on love - "Ratirahasya" (13th century) and "Anangaranga" (15th century), describe polygamy and even harems. The Kama Sutra advises to take a second wife in the following cases: “Another wife is taken when [the first wife] is stupid, ill-tempered, unhappy, does not give birth to children, gives birth to only girls, or when the husband is fickle. avoid this by showing loyalty, good disposition and intelligence. If she does not give birth to children, then she herself encourages him to take another wife. And being replaced by [another], let him try to give [the new wife] a higher position in comparison with herself. ... When she is replaced by many wives, then let her unite with the one that is closer to her. " Wealthy Hindus often had two wives up to the 20th century. This practice ended with the passage of the 1955 Marriage Act, which outlawed polygamy.

In terms of the approach to choosing a bride, India can be divided into two vast regions - the Indo-Aryan north and the Dravid-speaking south. In the north, they are looking for a marriage union with families that are not related by consanguinity. Blood marriage is prohibited. Parents choose a bride for their son outside the village and even neighboring villages from a family of the same caste, which has no blood ties with them. As a result, residents of one village enter into marriage alliances with residents of hundreds of other villages. After the wedding, the young wife finds herself in an unfamiliar house, where she does not know anyone. She is lonely, her family and friends are far away, and she is forced to submit to the demands of a new family. In Central India, the North Indian system of marriage also prevailed, but in a softened form: sometimes there are marriages in the same village and often residents of neighboring villages get married. The exchange of brothers and sisters is allowed - the groom's sister marries the bride's brother.

Unlike the northerners-Indo-Aryans, the Dravidian family of South India seals the already established family ties by marriage. There is no division of relatives by blood or marriage. But marriages in the south are made within a limited circle of families, and all of their members are blood relatives. In the South, marriages are common between cousins ​​and sisters and even between uncles and nieces. The main thing is that a family, giving a bride to another family, expects a reciprocal bride, if not now, then in the next generation. The purpose of such marriages is to create a small, tightly knit group of relatives. After the wedding, a young wife finds herself in the house of her grandmother or aunt and she is comfortable with her loved ones. The husband, most often a cousin, whom she knew from childhood. It happens, of course, that the bride leaves the circle of relatives (if there is no suitable groom among them), but even then her position is better than in North India.

Finding a marriage partner is not an easy task. Parents look for a groom or a bride through friends or through advertisements in newspapers, which indicate religion, caste, education, the beauty of the bride (with a hint of the size of the dowry) and the income of the groom. In the villages, parents negotiate a marriage without the participation of the bride and groom, they do not even see each other. In cities, in cultural strata of society, the bride and groom exchange photographs and may be allowed to meet in the presence of the bride's relatives. More and more young people with higher education decide their own destiny. Today, love marriages are permissible in the upper strata of society if the bride and groom belong to the same or similar caste and have a similar educational and professional level. A completely different attitude of parents in the case of marriage of their child with a person of a different religion (especially a Muslim) and, moreover, a low caste.

In India, especially in the north, the bride's family is considered inferior to the groom's family and must give her gifts for a generation, or even two. The main gift is, of course, the dowry. Its size is negotiated before the wedding. The dowry includes not only jewelry. Initially, as a dowry, the bride brought with her everything that was needed to arrange life in a new place: linen, dishes, household items. Since the end of the twentieth century, the bride's dowry has increasingly been made up of money and valuable household appliances: motorcycles, cars, etc. Sometimes the groom's parents insist that the bride's family pay the cost of his higher education and even several years of future earnings. Often, the attitude towards the newlywed in the house of the husband's parents is determined by the size of the dowry. There are times when the bride's relatives are not able to pay the dowry, then the requirement for the dowry is repeated after the wedding, and in the event of delays or refusal, the dress of the young wife can flare up by "negligence" and she herself perish. Murders like this are rarely investigated. However, in the overwhelming majority of cases, marriages in India are strong and often happy, and weddings are not only splendid and colorful, but also have a sacred meaning.

Hindus believe that the wedding ceremony binds husband and wife for the next seven lives, being one of 16 sanskar- the most important sacrifices in the life of a Hindu. Chastity is of paramount importance here. Marriage to a girl devoid of virginity is ruled out as completely useless. People who enter into this kind of marriage and their children fall into the category of outcasts. The fact is that, according to Vedic ideas, a woman there is a field - kshetra and the man is the owner of the field - kshetrin... The first one who sows a field with his seed becomes its owner and the owner of everything that ever grows on it. Therefore, if you were not the first sower of the field, then the fruits (children) born of this field do not belong to you, and you are just a thief who sowed a foreign field.

Engagement and wedding

They like to celebrate weddings in India in February: at this time it is spring in the country, it is already warm and dry, but there is still no sweltering heat. The wedding consists of pre-wedding ceremonies, the wedding itself and post-wedding rituals. Treats served during this period consist exclusively of vegetarian dairy dishes. The consumption of meat, fish and eggs is prohibited. The main costs of arranging the wedding are borne by the bride's parents. The first ceremony is the engagement - tilak... This ceremony is attended by the male half of both families. The father of the bride, together with relatives, goes to the groom's house to put on the groom's forehead tilak(sacred sign from kumkum- red turmeric or saffron powder) as a sign of being accepted as a son-in-law. At first Brahman chanting mantras, conducts puju- a ritual of worship of the gods. Then the bride's brother puts tilak on the groom's forehead and presents him with gifts. The same ritual is performed by all men from the bride's family. The groom's family, for their part, gives gifts to the bride. Usually, during the engagement, the groom puts the wedding ring on the bride's finger.

After the engagement comes the preparation time for the wedding, which lasts from one to two months. About 15 days before the wedding, the worship of the god of wisdom and prosperity is held - Ganesha(depicted as a fat man with an elephant's head). Ganesha is asked to remove obstacles during the wedding. The remaining days before the wedding, the families of the bride and groom will worship Ganesha. The next step is a fun ceremony designed for women - Sangeet. The bride's family invites the relatives, who, having gathered together, to the accompaniment of a wooden drum - dholak singing songs dedicated to the wedding and the bride. During the fun, all the women dance and sing, joke, tease the bride, remember their youth and wish the bride well-being in her family life. Sangeet ends with a rich treat.

Then the time comes Mehndi- applying patterns on the hands and feet of the bride with henna. The ceremony is held at the bride's house in the presence of relatives and girlfriends. According to legend, the darker the patterns mehndi, the more the future husband will love his wife. The bride's arms should be painted to the elbow. The groom is symbolically depicted on the right palm, the bride on the left. Their names are hidden among the patterns: it is believed that if the groom finds his name in the palm of the bride on the wedding day, their marriage will be happy. In addition to the hands, the bride's feet are painted. The ceremony is accompanied by singing and music. Traditionally, after marriage, a woman should not work in the house until the patterns have disappeared. After the Mehndi the bride does not leave the house until the wedding itself. A ceremony is held on or the day before the wedding Haldi, during which a turmeric paste is applied to the face, hands and feet of the bride and groom to make the skin glow. On the same day, a ceremony of commemoration of the deceased ancestors is held in the houses of the bride and groom.

On the wedding day, the bride wears a wedding sari in red in the north or green in the Marathas. There are a lot of jewelry on the sari - gold threads, beads, rhinestones, pendants. The total weight of a wedding dress can be up to 12 kg. The bride's hands are decorated with bracelets and rings. The bright red color of the bracelets indicates that the girl is getting married. The wedding ceremony takes place in the evening at the bride's house, where the groom arrives, accompanied by relatives and friends. Previously, the groom came on horseback or on an elephant; the car is now more commonly used. The groom is wearing a festive outfit. In the north is a camisole shervani, embellished with gold embroidery, skinny pants churidars, red belt and bright turban . In the south, the groom is white dhoti(loincloth) and angavastram(cape made of light fabric). At the gate the bridegroom is met by the mother of the bride. She bows to him and puts on his forehead tilak protecting from all evil. The groom follows to mandapu- a tent decorated with elegant fabrics, banana leaves and flowers; a sacrificial fire burns in the center of the tent. There he waits for the bride to be held Var Mala (Jai Mala)- flower garland exchange ceremonies.

The bride appears with a flower garland in her hands. Standing facing each other, while chanting sacred mantras, the bride and groom exchange garlands, which means they accept each other as husband and wife. Other rituals performed in the mandala follow. One of the main rituals is Kanya Daan. Kanya means "virgin" and daan- "gift". During the Kanya Daan the bride's father puts his daughter's right hand in the groom's right hand and, while chanting mantras, makes a libation with sacred waters in their palm, symbolizing the transfer of his daughter to the groom. A sacred marriage should never be destroyed, so the brahmana ties the end of the bride's sari with the groom's belt in a knot, which, even after the wedding, should not be untied. Then the young, holding hands, should walk four times around the fire burning in the center mandapas. Bypassing the fire, they take seven steps together. Like circles around the fire, each step has its own meaning, is an oath.

The final ritual of the wedding ceremony is Sindurdana, during which the groom puts on the bride's parting sindur - red cinnabar powder, which means accepting the bride as his wife. And also gives her a wedding gold necklace, symbolizing his love for her. The newlyweds then feed each other sweets as a sign that they will take care of each other. At the end of the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds are blessed by a brahmana - purochitis, parents and close relatives. After the completion of the wedding ceremony, a rich treat awaits everyone. The celebration is accompanied by songs and dances and lasts all night, and then the guests accompany the young to the husband's house, where gifts and blessings await the newlyweds. The next day, they arrange a reception for the wife's relatives - they accept gifts from them, put them at the table and the wedding celebration continues.

Status of women

The Indian family is numerous - sometimes up to sixty people live in the house. Tradition gives the daughter-in-law to the full power of the mother-in-law, and if a girl marries the youngest in the family, then the power of the older daughters-in-law extends to her. The position of a woman until recently depended on her caste. In the lower castes, women are employed outside the home; they are independent and can divorce and remarry. In the higher castes, a woman should not work for wages and once again appear in public. According to the brahmanas, she should be an obedient wife, an executive daughter-in-law and a caring mother. She cannot demand a divorce, and once she is widowed, she cannot remarry. Now the situation is changing: many women from the upper castes receive education and go to work. Accordingly, they get married later. The ban on the marriage of widows has also been weakened. This leads to the gradual emancipation of women from the higher castes.

Back in the 19th century, the rite was widespread in India sati, when widows burned themselves in her husband's funeral pyre. As a rule, sati were performed by women from the higher castes: there were especially many self-immolations in Rajasthan and Bengal. Even the Great Mughals tried to ban the savage rite, but only the British were able to overcome it (and even then partially), who began to hang everyone who contributed to the self-immolation of widows. General Charles Napier's response to the complaint of a brahmana, who is dissatisfied with the fact that the British is interfering with the traditions of the Hindus, is known. Sir Charles then said:

"So be it. Burning widows is your custom; prepare a funeral pyre. But my nation also has a custom. When men burn a woman alive, we hang them and confiscate their property. Therefore, my carpenters will build gallows to hang everyone involved in the death of widows." Let's follow - you are yours, and we are our customs. "

Despite the bans, first by the British and then by the Indian government, sati still happen today. Since 1947, about 40 self-immolations have been recorded in India, the majority occurring in the Shekhawati region of Rajasthan. Tough measures have been taken against sati, outlawing all observers of the ritual. The law makes no distinction between observers and instigators - they are equally found guilty. Yet the position of widows in the higher castes remains difficult. According to ancient Indian canons, immediately after the cremation of a deceased husband, a widow (vidava) must go to the pond and wash away the paint of marriage - sindur, from your parting, break your bracelets and put on a white mourning sari. She should never wear jewelry, beautiful outfits and fun again. In the higher castes, widows are treated with disdain, especially if their husbands have died of illness. The presence of a widow at celebrations and celebrations is undesirable: it is believed that misfortunes follow her. Widows are not allowed to participate in religious rituals.

The celibacy of widows in the brahmana caste is especially strictly followed. The position of widows is much better in the lower castes, where they are allowed to remarry, and in the South of India, where women are generally freer than in the North. Women in southern India occupy about the same position in society as in Southeast Asia, while the northern regions of India are similar in this regard to the Islamic countries of the Middle East. For example, in the north of the country it is customary to cover their faces, and in the south, only Muslim women cover their faces. Compensation for the Indian woman comes with age. If after the wedding she does housework under the critical supervision of her mother-in-law, then after the birth of the child her status rises. As the children mature and marry, she herself becomes the mother-in-law and head of household, taking the place of her predecessor. In all strata of Indian society, the mother is a symbol of love and protection, an object of respect and good feelings.