Why men choose ugly women: the opinions of psychologists. Why do they love beautiful and marry ordinary people? Stupid in life

How often can you observe a similar situation: a couple is walking down the street, and people around are looking, and they are perplexed that such a pretty, seemingly successful guy found in this gray mouse, but could find himself someone more interesting. Looking at this, many people wonder why men marry ugly women Oh? Various stories can serve as an answer. To many, they seem to be quite understandable, while others are just perplexed when they observe something similar in real life... Situations, of course, are completely different, but you should always personally understand for yourself why men marry ugly women, and beautiful women do not attract or interest them, although they themselves look more than interesting.

The people say: "Do not be born beautiful, but be born happy." Quite often, men in their youth attach great importance to their appearance and give preference to bright, spectacular, attractive and really beautiful girls. When the time comes to start a family, as a rule, closer to thirty years old, they opt for ordinary, unremarkable women.

Why do men choose for the family and marry the ugly

Most psychologists call the main reason for this phenomenon hidden complexes that do not allow the stronger sex to connect their lives with a beautiful woman. As a rule, marriage for a man is a feeling of calmness and comfort. When a very beautiful wife is next to him, there is always a threat that someone will try to "take her away". You constantly need to be on the alert, that is, to be nervous. It is much easier to hide your second half behind a pile of family affairs, immerse yourself in taking care of your children and yourself, and bask in the family hearth. Besides, beautiful, well-groomed woman should be appropriately maintained, well-dressed and provided with all the necessities. This is another major concern: Can I handle it? This is why many men marry ugly women.
The second reason why men prefer women who are not very attractive, psychologists call doubt. Beautiful, bright, successful woman will not be able to be an economic, caring wife and a good mother. Many people have such a negative attitude in our time, that is, they think so. a large number of men, and prefers in his life that it is better not to take risks. Suddenly it will not be possible to cope with it. Probably, this opinion is also based on the prototype of the mother, the keeper of the family hearth. Previously, families were very large, there were many children, and women did not have a minute of free time. There was no time for beauty at all. This is another reason why men choose and marry ugly women.
Other men, with the standard choice of their life partner, rely not on her external attractiveness, but on her rich inner world. We all know it's enough beautiful picture nice to show in the light, but living with her constantly in the same apartment is rather boring and not even interesting. After all, often, girls who are fixated on their appearance worry very little about intellectual development and do not care about the man himself. For men, this is important. Here is the third reason why men marry ugly women.
Also, quite often there are married couples in which the spouse generally takes on the role of head of the family: independently makes decisions, acts, decides various family problems... It is this, in the end, that is the main criterion for choosing a life partner. A man usually takes a more passive position, we can say that he accepts everything as it is. It's so much easier for him. This is his quite deliberate choice. The role of "henpecked" suits him quite well.
There is another widespread opinion that once again crosses out everything that has been said above. It takes place. Love is a chemical reaction that occurs between people and underlies the unconscious choice of a sexual partner. The main goal laid down by nature is the continuation of the human race. In this case, neither personal values ​​and attitudes, nor fears, nor principles play absolutely no role. In general, we can say that in fact nothing depends on us. Which of the expressed opinions should be considered a priority, which one to choose, and which one to rely on, is everyone's personal business.
However, we can only say the main thing, if you saw something close to yourself and now you understand why men marry ugly women, then this can be an excellent motive for your work with a psychologist. Such work will help you to fully realize true reasons you build one or another relationship. You will be able to recognize your negative scenario and reverse it. After such work, nothing can stop you from making the very choice that will be the best and most attractive of all possible options for you.

Well, let's take a more neutral version of the title and see what is wrong here.

Why men marry the ugly and stupid? Why men marry scary ones? I did not want to write this, but it is in such formulations that many girls are looking for an answer to such a burning question.

So, let's look at the direct and indirect reasons why men/ guys / young people often marry seemingly ugly, or even completely scary girls / women.

Reason number 1. Communication with very beautiful girls causes stress in a man

As we perfectly understand, not all of our men are well-written beauties and Apollo Belvedere.

Most of them are quite ordinary human beings, the beauty of which is hidden somewhere in the depths of their souls and does not manifest itself outside in any way.

Therefore, a man who objectively sees that he is an "ordinary average peasant", and nature, in addition, has not endowed him with a certain amount of impudence, may well feel uncomfortable when dealing with a beautiful girl.

Moreover, this pattern also extends to rather “tough peppers” - they, too, often get stressed and feel very uncomfortable.

And why? The opportunity to be rejected.

Yes, men, on average, are still cowards and are afraid that a mega-beautiful girl will simply wash them off. Moreover, not just, but with special cynicism, to show him who he is and where he belongs.

This kind of refusal for a man is the strongest blow below the belt. It does not matter that, for example, he is a very successful comrade in the social or material hierarchy.

The sphere of relationships is another world that needs to be "conquered", and if a man fails to do so, he feels defeated and worthless.

Reason # 2. Beauty takes a long time

Beautiful women are not always naturally beautiful.

Many girls would look much “grayer” and more boring if it were not for a bunch of financial and / or time expenditures for all sorts of manicures, pedicures, peels, masks, painting, massages, fitness, etc. activity.

Do you agree? Agree.

And now the question: And where will all the time that is spent on putting yourself in order and bringing to perfection come from?

Obviously, he needs to be “torn off” from something. And, most likely, a woman will tear this time away from a man - well, she will not be able to do a hair mask or a manicure right on a date.

From this, the man makes a very simple conclusion: since she is already disappearing in all sorts of salons and beauty centers, or (the economy option) leads a marafet at home for hours, then what will change if she is his wife?

Never mind. So he will be zealous in the same direction.

And what does he get from this? Yes, nothing good - either the "always busy" wife at home, or the always absent one, who can hardly devote time to his beloved and run the household.

I'm not even talking about raising children, which, in an amicable way, is a separate "full-time job" ...

Practice shows that "salon beauties" are much less likely to be at home and suggest home order and the comfort that so attracts men seeking family life.

Do not confuse beautiful with well-groomed

Many are trying to find a contradiction - they say, how can you not be beautiful, because men first of all look at their appearance.

Of course they do. Appearance is important. And that is why you need to once and for all make a clear separation in your head: a woman may not be beautiful, but well-groomed. It does not interfere.

It is clear that greasy hair, pimples all over the face and unkempt clothes do not attract men, so you need to take care of yourself.

Well-groomed works wonders even with the so-called "gray mice", while neither the natural, nor the acquired beauty of a girl can act as guarantors that a man will give preference to her.

Reason # 3. Indirect connection "looks nice - higher requests"

Not always, but it can also be frightening. And normal men too. Not only those who are looking for easy ways or making ends meet.

Even if a man is quite financially wealthy, he may deliberately not want to deal with a very picky person.

Yes, this is not a problem for him - he can provide a dozen of people like her.

In his heart he is looking for a modest, unassuming girl. This happens quite often.

And among the poor men, oddly enough, there are also good people who will be great husbands and fathers ...

Reason # 4. The subconscious desire to love imperfection

I thought for a long time how to name this reason, and this formulation seems to me the most accurate and capacious.

A man, not realizing this, feels that it is favorable for his soul to learn to love not so much everything that is beautiful and ideal as that which has some flaws.

He feels that love for the beautiful and impeccably beautiful seems to deprive his soul of the incentive to develop - it's like there is always a sweet-sweet cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Something tells him that, having learned to love "ugly" or "ugly", he will reveal in his life a completely different layer of awareness and understanding of everything that happens.

Something tells him that he will come out to understand something really fundamental and important in this life.

This does not mean that a man cannot get the same transformations with a beauty - not at all. He can. It's just going to be much more difficult.

Reason # 5. Beautiful girls have a higher risk of bad temper.

It is reliably known that overly beautiful women generally have a more bad character (at least for the time being) than women with an "average appearance."

Why it happens? The fact is that beauties tend to use their beauty as a "bribery tool".

Beautiful girls, therefore, more often have to overcome the subconscious conviction in themselves from the series "everyone owes me" and work to improve their character.

"Ugly women" cannot rely on their appearance, and she herself life initially teaches them to focus not on beauty and external attractiveness, but for good human qualities, which are very highly valued by men.

Considering all this, we come to the conclusion that a woman, of course, can be a beauty with a wonderful character, but the statistics, alas, do not speak in her favor. As a consequence, many men choose not to take risks.

All men like beautiful women, but not everyone will build a serious relationship with them.

Someone is afraid of being rejected.

Someone is only interested in the female body and sex. Women want to take advantage of the beauty and put a tick in their "hunter's diary".

Someone fears that they will fall into bondage and will not be able to meet the high demands of such a woman (and they usually still are).

Someone is afraid to be an "accessory" with such a woman.

And these are far from all the reasons why very beautiful girls find themselves in an ambivalent position.

One side, their beauty is an “unfair advantage” over other women.

With another- this is the risk of having a less prosperous fate in the sphere of relationships and family.

Outcome

Men don't marry ugly, ugly, or ugly ones.

They marry kind, sweet, feminine, modest, sincere, understanding, sympathetic, attentive, loyal girls.

Smart and mature men and guys (there are also such) marry those with whom they want to live their whole lives.

They choose a woman based on the well-known sayings: "Don't drink water from your face" and "Don't look for beauty, but look for kindness."

It's great when a woman combines beauty and favorable character traits, however when choosing a wife, priority will always be given to spiritual qualities.

I repeat once again that it does this mature and a reasonable man, and ignoring these principles by him jeopardizes the future marital union.

Dmitry Olegovich Naumenko,
Love Without Compromise.

Video lecture "Civil marriage: how not to get involved, and how to get out?"

In this lecture we will analyze from all sides such an interesting social phenomenon as " civil marriage"(ie cohabitation).

You will get to know all his true under-the-hood and will be able to make meaningful choices.

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Why do men marry ugly ones?

Well, let's take a more neutral version of the title and see what is wrong here.

Why do men marry the ugly and stupid? Why do men marry scary ones? I did not want to write this, but it is in such formulations that many girls are looking for an answer to such a burning question.

So, let's look at the direct and indirect reasons why men / guys / young people often marry seemingly ugly, or even completely scary girls / women.

Reason number 1. Communication with very beautiful girls causes stress in a man

As we perfectly understand, not all of our men are well-written beauties and Apollo Belvedere.

Most of them are quite ordinary human beings, the beauty of which is hidden somewhere in the depths of their souls and does not manifest itself outside in any way.

Therefore, a man who objectively sees that he is an "ordinary average peasant", and nature, in addition, has not endowed him with a certain amount of impudence, may well feel uncomfortable when dealing with a beautiful girl.

Moreover, this pattern also extends to rather “tough peppers” - they, too, often get stressed and feel very uncomfortable.

And why? The opportunity to be rejected.

Yes, men, on average, are still cowards and are afraid that a mega-beautiful girl will simply wash them off. Moreover, not just, but with special cynicism, to show him who he is and where he belongs.

This kind of refusal for a man is the strongest blow below the belt. It does not matter that, for example, he is a very successful comrade in the social or material hierarchy.

The sphere of relationships is another world that needs to be "conquered", and if a man fails to do so, he feels defeated and worthless.

Reason # 2. Beauty takes a long time

Beautiful women are not always naturally beautiful.

Many girls would look much “grayer” and more boring if it were not for a bunch of financial and / or time expenditures for all sorts of manicures, pedicures, peels, masks, painting, massages, fitness, etc. activity.

Do you agree? Agree.

And now the question: And where will all the time that is spent on putting yourself in order and bringing to perfection come from?

Obviously, he needs to be “torn off” from something. And, most likely, a woman will tear this time away from a man - well, she will not be able to do a hair mask or a manicure right on a date.

From this, the man makes a very simple conclusion: since she is already disappearing in all sorts of salons and beauty centers, or (the economy option) leads a marafet at home for hours, then what will change if she is his wife?

Never mind. So he will be zealous in the same direction.

And what does he get from this? Yes, nothing good - either the "always busy" wife at home, or the always absent one, who can hardly devote time to his beloved and run the household.

I'm not even talking about raising children, which, in an amicable way, is a separate "full-time job" ...

Practice shows that "salon beauties" are much less likely to be at home and bring home order and comfort, which so attracts men striving for family life.

Do not confuse beautiful with well-groomed

Many are trying to find a contradiction - they say, how can you not be beautiful, because men first of all look at their appearance.

Of course they do. Appearance is important. And that is why you need to once and for all make a clear separation in your head: a woman may not be beautiful, but well-groomed. It does not interfere.

It is clear that greasy hair, pimples all over the face and unkempt clothes do not attract men, so you need to take care of yourself.

Well-groomed works wonders even with the so-called "gray mice", while neither the natural, nor the acquired beauty of a girl can act as guarantors that a man will give preference to her.

Reason # 3. Indirect connection "looks nice - higher requests"

Not always, but it can also be frightening. And normal men too. Not only those who are looking for easy ways or making ends meet.

Even if a man is quite financially wealthy, he may deliberately not want to deal with a very picky person.

Yes, this is not a problem for him - he can provide a dozen of people like her.

In his heart he is looking for a modest, unassuming girl. This happens quite often.

And among the poor men, oddly enough, there are also good people who will be excellent husbands and fathers ...

Reason # 4. The subconscious desire to love imperfection

I thought for a long time how to name this reason, and this formulation seems to me the most accurate and capacious.

A man, not realizing this, feels that it is favorable for his soul to learn to love not so much everything that is beautiful and ideal as that which has some flaws.

He feels that love for the beautiful and impeccably beautiful seems to deprive his soul of the incentive to develop - it's like there is always a sweet-sweet cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Something tells him that, having learned to love "ugly" or "ugly", he will reveal in his life a completely different layer of awareness and understanding of everything that happens.

Something tells him that he will come out to understand something really fundamental and important in this life.

This does not mean that a man cannot get the same transformations with a beauty - not at all. He can. It's just going to be much more difficult.

Reason # 5. Beautiful girls have a higher risk of bad temper.

It is reliably known that overly beautiful women generally have a more bad character (at least for the time being) than women with an "average appearance."

Why it happens? The fact is that beauties tend to use their beauty as a "bribery tool".

Beautiful girls, therefore, more often have to overcome the subconscious conviction in themselves from the series "everyone owes me" and work to improve their character.

"Ugly women" cannot rely on their appearance, and she herself life initially teaches them to focus not on beauty and external attractiveness, but for good human qualities, which are very highly valued by men.

Considering all this, we come to the conclusion that a woman, of course, can be a beauty with a wonderful character, but the statistics, alas, do not speak in her favor. As a consequence, many men choose not to take risks.

All men like beautiful women, but not everyone will build a serious relationship with them.

Someone is afraid of being rejected.

Someone is only interested in the female body and sex. Women want to take advantage of the beauty and put a tick in their "hunter's diary".

Someone fears that they will fall into bondage and will not be able to meet the high demands of such a woman (and they usually still are).

Someone is afraid to be an "accessory" with such a woman.

And these are far from all the reasons why very beautiful girls find themselves in an ambivalent position.

One side, their beauty is an “unfair advantage” over other women.

With another- this is the risk of having a less prosperous fate in the sphere of relationships and family.

Outcome

Men don't marry ugly, ugly, or ugly ones.

They marry kind, sweet, feminine, modest, sincere, understanding, sympathetic, attentive, loyal girls.

Smart and mature men and guys (there are also such) marry those with whom they want to live their whole lives.

They choose a woman based on the well-known sayings: "Don't drink water from your face" and "Don't look for beauty, but look for kindness."

It's great when a woman combines beauty and favorable character traits, however when choosing a wife, priority will always be given to spiritual qualities.

Once again, I repeat that a mature and reasonable man acts this way, and his ignorance of these principles jeopardizes the future marital union.

Dmitry Olegovich Naumenko,
Love Without Compromise.

Ivan is not a fool

The favorite hero of Russian folk tales is Ivanushka-do-crustacean. He is lazy: he lies on the stove all day and chases flies. He has a linear logic: "If the horse has four legs and the table also has four, then the table can walk." But in the end, Ivan gets a tsar's daughter and half of the kingdom to boot. Many of us already in childhood guessed that this fairytale hero is not quite a fool. Or rather - not a fool at all. Now he would most likely be diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. It is a type of autism where social naivety is intertwined with high intelligence. Apparently, Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton suffered from this syndrome. So Ivan is a fool only from the point of view of his dark environment. And if you measure his IQ, it would not seem a little.

As for Russian women folk tales, then fools (and even successful ones) cannot be found there during the day with fire. All are entirely Wise, Clever-Reasonable, Artistes, not to mention the fact that they are all as one - Beautiful. The tale of how Mashka the fool got married to the tsar-revich, something is not remembered. So do not think that love for fools is a tradition of our people ...

Do gentlemen prefer blondes?

Where did the jokes about blondes come from and the idea that a woman should be a fool, since a man only marries an ugly and stupid one? They say it happened in the 60s of the last century, when Marilyn Monroe shone on the screens. The American women wanted to imitate her and bought up all supplies of hydrogen peroxide in pharmacies to discolor their hair. This is how the image of the blonde was formed: frivolous and trustful, taking everything literally - like Ivanushka-do-crustacean. Only in contrast to the fairy-tale hero, who has neither a hidden nor an explicit mind.

They say that brunettes make up jokes about blondes on long lonely nights. In fact, the authors of these jokes are most likely men. Such anecdotes have become especially relevant in our country in the last 10-15 years, when a woman began to create real competition. stronger sex in business. And in order to protect ourselves from the fear of being ousted from all positions of life, our hunter, protector and breadwinner began to create the myth: "All women are fools." And who is not stupid, she is lonely and unhappy.

Stupid in life

But do men really like stupid women? Do they need one that would listen, opening her mouth, periodically inserting phrases: “Well, you must! What are you! Come on! ”? In a month or two, in response, he will want to shout, like the hero of Raikin: "Shut your mouth, you fool, I have already said everything."

No, apparently, under the word "fool" men understand something else. What attracts the stronger sex to the silly woman? She is predictable, all her thoughts are at a glance (unless, of course, this is a clinical case). The fool will not pretend that everything is fine, and then - bam! - "I'm leaving you!"

She is not demanding, she will not hiss: "When will you start earning like Petrov?" Unless she pouts her lips: "I want the same coat as Masha's."

He looks at her husband as if he were God: he does not try to re-educate him, remake him. What has grown has grown. He easily forgives and forgets offenses, but does not understand irony, sarcasm at all.

The fool is emotional, simple and naive, like a child - she is very happy even with a toilet brush as a gift.

She is stupid - she cannot understand the simplest instructions, she immediately calls her husband.

If a faithful person is in trouble, she will not teach him “how it should have been”, reproach him, give advice on how to fix everything. Unless he climbs with his feet on the sofa, buries his no-som in his shoulder. And most likely, he will leave her husband alone.

Sometimes you can pretend

The fool is good because she is safe. Men are afraid of women, although, of course, they never admit it. When they were still boys playing war games, the girls were already intriguing and learning to manipulate both peers and adults. Men know that a woman is stronger and more experienced in psychology, in intuition, in relationships. And if he wants to, he can turn the life of the faithful into an absolute hell. And a smart woman - even more so.

Usually, ladies are advised to pretend to be a fool in order to please a man. It seems to them that it is then that men get married - the ugly and stupid have more chances. But, first of all, playing stupid is disgusting. Secondly, well, it turns out that you can't fall in love with me, smart and educated? And, in the end, no matter how much you pretend, "you can't hide your tenderness." But there is another way: not to demonstrate a man who is not his intellect, to accustom him to his level gradually. To conquer your loved one, let him know that you do not need to be afraid, that you will never direct your mind and knowledge against him. This is not pretense, this is "partial information hiding." A fool - she is always a fool. And the mind can become what it wants.

Advice:

Do not heap all the information about your achievements on your husband right away when you meet him: how many institutes you graduated from, how you turn your business around, how you press employees. Never do what a representative of the stronger sex can do for you: do not pour yourself wine at a table, do not move a chair.

Be guided by the statement: at work I am smart, businesslike, tough. And at home - weak, tender and I need to be looked after. Never tell a man how to do it - let him come to this with his own mind.