What to do when the baby is crying. Why is the baby crying? Causes of Baby Crying - Baby Development Calendar

A joyful event in your family - a long-awaited heir was born! A happy dad meets a smiling mother at the door of the maternity hospital, holding a bundle tied with a blue or pink ribbon ... And finally, the whole family is at home. Gone are the months of agonizing waiting, the hardships of childbirth ...

But the very next day, new problems appear. A young family member behaves in an unpredictable manner. Parents are constantly asking the question: how to determine why the child is crying? Is he hungry or does he have a stomach ache? Maybe he is hot or cold? What if he is sick?

What to do, how to calm the baby down? Is it really necessary to give him breasts right away anyway?

Of course not! Every mother gradually develops a flair for her own child, thanks to which she can almost immediately determine what the baby needs at the moment. The most sensitive and caring fathers can also come to a complete understanding with the child. But usually the mother spends much more time with the baby, moreover, she breastfeeds him, thanks to which a very special contact is established between them.

True, it takes some time for such a contact to be established. This usually occurs no later than three months of age. Therefore, for many parents, the third month of a baby's life seems much easier than the first two.

In the first days and weeks, mom and newborn get used to each other. A caring mother learns to understand and respond to cues from her baby. With each new day, she needs less and less time to recognize and correctly interpret these signals. And the baby, seeing that he is understood, becomes calmer and cries less.

For most of us, babies are tender. True, only if the toddler is quietly snoring in his sleep or smiling funny (we recommend reading :). Frequent tantrums and tears of infants, the reasons for which are sometimes impossible to explain, cause in adults a feeling of irritation due to their own impotence. However, such emotions are a bad helper. It is very important to understand for what reasons the newborn is crying and to take appropriate measures. Let's look at the main reasons for crying in infants, and also find out how to calm a crying baby.

When a baby cries, young parents often feel powerless.

Physical discomfort

Why do newborn babies cry? Crying can be due to a variety of factors. One of them is an instinctive unwillingness to be alone. If a child under 1 month old screams and cries in connection with this circumstance, then it is easy to calm him down: pick him up, look into his eyes, say something in a calm, gentle voice.

Did not help? It is likely that the newborn is crying due to a more serious problem - physical discomfort caused by uncomfortable clothing, improper room conditions, and so on. The exact reason can be understood from the way the baby cries:

Reason for crying	Features of behavior	How to calm your baby?
Wet clothes (diaper, diaper)	The child hiccups, cries, fidgets, trying not to touch the wet one.	Take off wet clothes, clean and dry the skin, put on new underwear.
Uncomfortable clothes (wrong swaddling)	The kid begins to scream indignantly immediately after putting on new clothes or swaddling.	Discomfort can be caused by buttons, buttons, snakes, threads, crumbs or seams that dig into delicate skin. Things can be too tight or too tight. Clothes made from synthetic fabrics with dyes cause itching. The kid should change quickly.
Uncomfortable posture	The newborn whimpers, cries, waves his arms and legs, trying to change his position.	The baby needs to be laid in a different way.
Too hot or too cold	The baby is sobbing,. Signs of overheating - hot and red skin, in advanced cases - a rash. Symptoms of hypothermia are pale and cold integuments.	The newborn should be changed according to the temperature conditions in the room.

A wet diaper can cause fidgeting and crying.

Feelings of hunger and feeding problems

A common reason newborns cry is hunger. In the first weeks, most babies hang on their chest almost all the time. Then lactation is established, and an approximate schedule is developed, however, at one of the meals, the crumb can eat less than it should. Of course, he will begin to demand milk out of schedule and scream loudly. If, after latching on to the breast or bottle, the newborn quickly calmed down, hunger was the cause of crying.

The crumb started to eat, but cried again? So something is bothering him. Problems that can occur during or after a feed and lead to crying:

Problem	Features of behavior	What to do?
Nasal congestion	The baby begins to suckle on the breast or bottle, but then throws it up and screams in irritation. Snoring or snoring.	Clean the nose with a special aspirator (pear), rinse with drops (saline), drip a medication for a cold, prescribed by a doctor.
Swallowed a lot of milk	Crying is short and not repetitive.	Wait a bit.
Otitis	When swallowing, the pain in the ear increases, so the baby stops eating and screams loudly.	Instill vasoconstrictor drops into the nose, and special pain relievers into the ears. See a doctor.
Stomatitis	A sign of candidal stomatitis (thrush) is a white coating on the mucous membrane of the mouth. The baby feels a burning sensation and refuses to eat.	Wipe the mouth with a weak soda solution (2%). See a doctor.
Specific taste of milk (mixture)	The baby tries to eat, but then turns away from the breast or bottle.	The use of some products - onions, garlic, lamb and others - leads to a change in the taste of milk. They should not be eaten in large quantities. In addition, mom should not wear harsh cosmetics.
Air got into the stomach	Immediately after or during a meal, the baby pulls its legs to the stomach and screams.	The crumb needs to be taken in a "column", leaning his stomach against his chest. This will allow excess air to escape.

Cooled teether helps relieve pain and itching of swollen gums

It is wrong to immediately offer a breast or a bottle to a baby when he is crying. To begin with, you should pick it up, shake it. If these actions do not help to calm him down, the child cries pitifully and shows that he wants to eat - sucks his fists, smacks his lips, then feeding should not be postponed.

If the newborn is constantly crying, you should make sure that he is not starving. There are certain standards for weight gain for children under one year old. The kid should be periodically weighed and compare his increase with the reference. The pediatrician should be informed about the lag in the pace - he will recommend how to increase the amount of feedings.

With artificial feeding, the baby often cries not from hunger, but from thirst. Mom needs to always have a bottle of drinking water ready.

Colic and flatulence

Why does the baby cry all the time? At the age of 1-3 months, many babies suffer from colic, severe painful cramps in the abdomen caused by gas bubbles stretching the intestinal walls. The main sign of colic is that the baby is crying piercingly inconsolably for a long time, taking short breaks. Additional symptoms:

• redness of the face;
• "Twisting" legs;
• bloating (hard stomach);
• compression of the cams.

Colic is associated with the immaturity of the digestive system of babies, but malnutrition or nervous tension of a nursing mother can aggravate the situation. For most children, the problem is solved when they are 3-4 months old.

What to do if the baby is crying due to abdominal pain? You can calm him down in one of the following ways:

• put something warm on your tummy - a diaper ironed with an iron or a warmed bag with flax seeds;
• make a massage - with a warm hand, stroke around the navel clockwise;
• put the baby on your stomach (not all children like this position);
• vilify the baby vertically so that excess air comes out;
• lay the baby on its back and give it a "frog" pose - bend the knees and connect the feet, thanks to which gases are easier to escape, another effective exercise is imitation of cycling;
• give a medicine for colic prescribed by a doctor (Espumizan, Sab Simplex, Bobotic, BabyKali, etc.), or dill water (we recommend reading:);
• put the child with his bare stomach on his stomach, ensuring skin-to-skin contact;
• sit the baby in a sling facing you.

Problems emptying your bladder or bowels

Why else does a baby have to cry? Possible causes are cystitis and constipation. Inflammation of the bladder (cystitis) is accompanied by pain when urinating and fever. The condition requires urgent medical attention.

If the baby cries during bowel movements or strains and does not poop, he is constipated. Frequent problems with bowel movements can lead to cracks in the rectum. The problem should be reported to the pediatrician. As symptomatic therapy, you can use:

• microclysters Microlax;
• glycerin candles;
• Lactulose syrup (has a delayed effect, causing stool for the next day).

Constipation can cause excruciating discomfort in a child.

Some physiological reasons for crying

Why else does a baby cry sometimes? The sobbing of a newborn can be triggered by various painful conditions:

State	The essence	Symptoms	How to help a crying baby?
"Breast migraine"	Infants who were diagnosed with perinatal encephalopathy (PEP) at birth can suffer from headaches. This syndrome is characterized by an increase in pressure inside the skull, nervous excitability, impaired muscle tone (increase or decrease).	Attacks of "infant migraine" occur when weather conditions change, changes in atmospheric pressure. In addition, windy, cloudy or rainy weather can cause headaches. At the same time, the kid screams, does not sleep well, shows anxiety. Vomiting, indigestion may occur.	In such a situation, it is impossible to do without the help of a specialist. It is necessary to visit a pediatrician or neurologist and talk about the problem.
Diaper rash (diaper dermatitis)	Due to the contact of the baby's skin with feces and urine, its acid-base balance is disturbed. The result is pain-causing irritation.	Signs of diaper dermatitis: rash and redness in the perineum and buttocks; irritability of the child; crying, which intensifies when changing diapers.	Necessary: use a healing agent (Bepanten cream); change diapers in a timely manner; thoroughly cleanse the skin; periodically arrange "air baths". If the irritation is very severe, consultation with a doctor is required to prescribe treatment.
Teething	When your baby's teeth are teething, the gums swell, itch, and become painful.	The crumb sobs, pulls everything into his mouth to "gnaw". He has increased salivation. In some cases, an increase in body temperature occurs.	Itchy gums can be “scratched” with a sterile bandage wrapped in a finger. A chilled teether ring is a good way to help. In addition, there are anesthetic gels that can be applied to the mucous membrane. At temperatures above 38.5 ° C, it is worth giving an antipyretic agent.

If the baby cries piercingly for a long time, and it was not possible to find out the reason, you need to seek medical help

Psychological discomfort

Consider why a newborn child can still cry, because the reasons are not only physical, but also psychological. The most common of these are appeal, protest and accumulated fatigue:

1. The child cries progressively if he wants to attract the attention of an adult. The call-up call does not last long and is repeated at short intervals. The volume gradually increases. If you come to the baby, he will calm down. Doctor Komarovsky does not advise taking the baby in his arms right away. You can pet him or talk to him.
2. If a newborn baby begins to cry in protest, then the cry is harsh and occurs immediately after the "inappropriate" action. Such necessary procedures as changing clothes, cutting nails, cleaning ears can lead to indignation. They should be brought to the end, and then caress the crumbs.
3. If the baby has become capricious and sobs a lot, he is probably tired. A tantrum can be provoked by too long wakefulness, a large number of strangers around, a lot of impressions and events during the day.
4. If a newborn cries every time before bedtime, the daily regimen is not drawn up correctly. Overwork makes it difficult for him to calm down.

A child's crying due to fatigue can be alleviated by:

• complete / exclude active and emotional games;
• ventilate the room and humidify the air in it;
• switch to calm communication;
• swing, sing a lullaby;
• put in a crib, give a dummy.

If the child is tired, you should calmly lay him down, help him sleep

You can prevent a baby from crying by observing a certain sequence of actions (ritual) every evening. The following combination helps most babies fall asleep: bathing - feeding - going to bed - turning off the main lighting - turning on the night light - lullaby.

If the reason for the crying of a newborn at the age of 1-3 months is psychological discomfort, the advice of the American doctor Harvey Karp will help you quickly lull him to sleep:

1. Swaddling. There is no need to constantly wrap the baby in diapers, but wrapping will help to quickly calm down a child who is naughty and cries before bed. It is important to close the handles. It is better to use modern elastic diapers.
2. Wiggle. If a newborn rolls up and cries, it's worth rocking. The baby should be taken in your arms so that he lies on his side and begin smooth movements with a small amplitude.
3. "White noise". Hissing sounds in a low voice help the child to calm down. Their reproduction is recommended to be combined with rhythmic motion sickness.
4. Sucking. Is the baby crying inconsolably? The best way to calm him down is to let him satisfy the sucking reflex. A pacifier, mother's breast, or a bottle with a small amount of formula can help with this. However, the little one should not be allowed to overeat.

Sometimes, to calm the child, mom just needs to shake him in her arms.

Calming a child over 3 months old

A baby who cries constantly at 2 months can be reassured by one of the methods described. If a baby is rolling over 3-4 months old, it makes no sense to swaddle him or "hiss". During this period, a crying infant must be distracted from the problem that upset him.

A newborn baby still does not know how to communicate, and so far he can only declare any change in his state by shouting.

Of course, a mother first of all needs to learn to understand her baby. None of the babies just scream. But it happens that the baby cries for no apparent reason, and the parents no longer know how to calm him down.

What to do first

You need to try to act according to the algorithm:

• Mom or another person caring for the baby needs to pull herself together, calm down. You can temporarily transfer the child to another family member.
• Find out the reason for the crying baby.
• Eliminate the cause of anxiety.

The calmness of the mother is the key to the calmness of the baby

Infants are very sensitive to the mood of adults. A toddler may feel nervous when she feels that her mother is anxious. Therefore, it is impossible to calm a child under stress.

A child's cry can be long and exhausting. Not every mother will be able to remain calm in such a situation. In this case, you can resort to the help of loved ones and ask one of the relatives to replace your mother.

And mom will have time to rest and gather strength. It is very important to remain calm when you notice that a baby's tantrum has begun. A baby can only be reassured by someone who radiates calmness and confidence.

For what reasons do babies cry

A baby never cries for no reason. Even if the essence of the problem is unclear at first glance. There are several main reasons why a baby cries:

• Hunger.
• Cold or hot.
• Feelings of discomfort.
• Fear.
• Boredom.
• Overwork.

If it is not clear what exactly caused the cry, you can try to exclude each one in turn.

The kid cries when he wants to eat. Even if he recently ate, it is likely that something distracted him, and the baby looked up from food before he was full. The baby may swallow air during feeding and experience a false sense of fullness. When excess air regurgitates, space in the stomach will be freed up, and the baby will again feel hungry. In any case, it will be useful to invite the child to eat.

The body of young children has difficulty maintaining a constant body temperature. Any changes in ambient temperature are difficult for the baby. The mother must examine and touch the child.

If the upper part of the baby's back is hot to the touch, it is overheated. If it is cold, and at the same time the child tries to move a little, he is cold. Next, you need to create comfortable conditions for the baby - either warm him up, or undress him, or replace the clothes with lighter ones.

When dressing a child, it is important to choose clothes that are comfortable for the child. Any fasteners located on the back or on the tummy, when the baby already knows how to roll over, can cause him discomfort. Sloppy seams, tight elastic bands - all this will not go unnoticed by the baby. He may be crying because of the discomfort caused by his clothes.

Any harsh sounds or bright lights can scare your baby. If the mother has noticed something like this, it is necessary, first of all, to eliminate the source of the infant's fear.

Perhaps the child is crying because he is bored. The kid is tired of being alone, he requires the attention of an adult. First, the baby begins to grunt quietly, giving signals. If they are left unattended and the mother does not come soon, the child may become hysterical. Do not delay and wait for the child to scream. It is advisable to approach him when he is just starting to be capricious.

Overwork is a common cause of moodiness. Tantrums happen at the end of the day when the child is tired. His day was long and eventful, he received many new impressions. The nervous system, unable to cope, gets rid of stress in this way. For children, a well-established regimen, timely going to bed, the correct alternation of activity and rest are important. Children living according to the regime are calmer and more confident in themselves.

Crying can be caused by pain

All these reasons are taken into account provided that the child is healthy. If none of the methods helps to calm the baby down, it is possible that something is hurting him.

There are some physiological conditions not associated with the disease: indigestion, infant colic. These conditions cause discomfort and pain in the child. It is advisable for mom to examine the baby: if his tummy is swollen, if there is a rumbling.

If the baby is breastfed, it is advisable for the mother to keep track of her diet. The baby may be reacting to certain foods.

If colic is a concern, a fennel-based tea can be offered to your baby, which has a soothing and digestive-regulating effect. Sometimes the child may refuse to drink the medicine. Then a nursing mother can include this tea in her diet. Chamomile tea has a beneficial effect on digestion. Before using any means, you must consult with your doctor about the methods, duration of admission and dosage.

With colic, it is also important to establish feeding, make sure that the baby is breastfeeding correctly, does not swallow air when feeding from a bottle, does not overeat and regurgitates excess air in time.

If redness, a rash are noticed on the baby's body, he has a fever, he spits up profusely, refuses food, while screaming heart-rendingly, you need to see a doctor as soon as possible or call an ambulance. Perhaps the reason for crying is an illness, and the baby needs treatment.

0 to 3 months

For infants, there are several ways to calm them down easily. The baby, living in the womb, is accustomed to certain conditions. The memory of this state is retained for up to three months. Some actions will remind the baby of his intrauterine life. This will give him a sense of confidence and calmness.

What methods help the baby to calm down:

• Swaddling.
• Wiggle.
• Monotonous hiss.
• Laying to one side.
• Sucking on a pacifier or breast.

Trying to calm the child down, you can use all the techniques in turn. Gentle swaddling reminds the baby of his stay in the womb in the last months of pregnancy, when he no longer had enough space for free movement. When the mother moved, the baby experienced swaying throughout the pregnancy.

Monotonous hissing - these are the sounds that came to the baby: maternal breathing, the movement of food along the esophagus. The position on the side with the legs tucked in resembles an intrauterine position. Sucking is one of the first reflexes that a child wakes up to. While still inside the mother, the child actively begins to suck the thumb. Then this skill helps him get food from his mother's breast or with the help of a nipple.

From 3 months to 1 year

The methods that work for babies under 3 months are no longer suitable for older children. From three months, the baby is interested in the world around him with might and main, this can be used for his good. The easiest way to save a baby from hysteria is to abruptly switch his attention to another object.

The first step is to eliminate the causes of crying. But if it came to hysterics and the baby does not want to calm down, you can suddenly interest him in something. The mother, observing the baby, will definitely notice what objects, sounds or situations are capable of capturing his attention. For example, a baby is mesmerized by how the light is on.

In moments of bouts of crying, you can bring the crumbs to the switched on lamp, which he will examine with curiosity.

These situations are individual. There is no universal recipe. All children have their own preferences. For a mother, the main thing, while studying the interests of the baby, is to offer him at the right time something that will distract him.

It will be easier to calm the baby down before bedtime by following a ritual that will symbolize the baby that it's time to sleep. Soothing baths can be one of the points of the ritual. Warm baths taken at night can help you relax and tune in to sleep.

Soothing herbal baths can be done. Lemon balm, chamomile, sage, valerian, motherwort are suitable for children. Dry herb tea is pre-brewed and added to the water before taking a bath. The herbal tea is absorbed through the skin and has a relaxing effect. Baths with infusion to improve sleep must be applied as a course.

Excessive use of the infusion can cause the opposite effect; before any use of medicinal herbs, you should consult your doctor.

On sale there is a special children's collection - herbal tea, which helps the baby to calm down before bedtime. In pharmacies, baby drops of natural or synthetic origin, which have a hypnotic effect, are common.

Before using herbs, medicinal tea, drops that have a hypnotic effect, you should consult a specialist. All of these drugs cannot be administered alone. Any of them has contraindications, side effects and must be properly dosed.

After a bath, it is advisable to put the child to bed immediately. You should put your baby to bed at night no earlier than three hours after naps.

A crying baby is always trying to raise a problem. The first thing that parents should do is to understand the situation, find out the reason why the baby is crying. Maybe after eliminating the cause, the hysteria will stop immediately.

Some babies, because of their temperament, find it difficult to calm down. They are active during the day and have difficulty going to sleep. A certain ritual can help mothers, symbolizing the baby that night has come and it's time to fall asleep. Soothing baths taken before bed can be part of this ritual.

Our grandmothers and great-grandmothers treated infant crying quite philosophically, believing that during crying child"Develops the lungs", and therefore cry - and stop. However, nowadays there is a more popular view that crying is a request. toddler for help, a message that he has problems that need to be resolved as soon as possible. Parents should not be afraid to spoil their child by reacting to his every cry. According to child psychologists, pamper toddler up to a year is impossible. Under the age of one year, you can either create at toddler confidence in the safety and reliability of new to him environment and environment, or destroy this confidence. An attentive mother, listening to her baby, gradually begins to distinguish the reasons for his crying. These reasons may be different, but they have one thing in common: the discomfort that the baby feels at this time and about which he tries, as best he can, to tell adults.

When the baby is missing something ...

Perhaps most often child crying when he wants to eat... The most natural, healthy and necessary food for a small child is breast milk. In addition, when breastfeeding, the baby comes into contact with the mother. Now more and more doctors are advising to feed the child "on demand" - it is believed that nature will tell you the correct mode of eating. The need for physical contact with mom Is also one of the main causes of crying in children. Taking the chest child feels mother's warmth, mother's hands. In general, he feels good, warm, safe and comfortable. And he calms down. It is not for nothing that in primitive civilizations that have survived to this day in some African countries, mothers, at the first cries of a child, take him in their arms and immediately give a breast. Children of Americans and residents of Western Europe, according to anthropology and sociopsychology, cry much more often and longer, which is associated with a slow reaction of the mother to the cry of the child. A child can just cry from boredom and loneliness... According to teachers, a big mistake of parents is that they don't communicate much with the baby when he is awake. The kid is looking forward to your attention. Therefore, do not remain indifferent when he calls you crying. In each of the three cases described, mom will hear the so-called draft cry, which consists of alternating periods of screaming and pauses. Moreover, if you do not pay attention to the child, the pauses become shorter, and the cry - longer. Take toddler on your hands, stroke him on the back, move your hand over his tummy (it is better to do these movements clockwise), then along the chest, head. Has the kid calmed down? So he needed your attention. Does he keep crying? Then take him in your arms, press him to your chest, swing. If child shakes his head, opens his mouth and smacks his lips, then, most likely, he is hungry. Hungry crying begins with a draft. But if the baby does not receive food, the cry becomes angry, and then turns into a choking scream. One of the main rules of mother's behavior when child crying is to pick him up and give him a breast. If child cried in your arms, give the baby a breast and shake it. If the baby does not calm down and refuses to breastfeed, you should look for other reasons for his dissatisfaction.

The child is crying because something is bothering the baby ...

Feeling tired, general discomfort is often the reason that the baby is naughty, whimpering. Crying if you want to fall asleep is accompanied by yawning, child closes the eyes, rubs them with handles. Rock the stroller or crib toddler, sing him a lullaby - after all, my mother's voice soothes the best. If to kid cold or hot, he can also express his displeasure with crying. There are several ways to “identify” such a situation. Touch the baby's nose (in such cases, touch the baby's skin with the back of the hand, since the skin is more sensitive there). If the nose is warm, then its owner is warm and comfortable. If the nose is hot, it is likely that the baby is hot and needs to remove one layer of clothing from it. If you are at home, undress toddler, give him a drink. If the nose toddler cold means child freezes. A sure sign that a baby is cold is hiccups. You can also touch the pens toddler, just not the hands, but a little higher - the forearms, since the hands can be cool when the baby is generally warm. The frozen baby should be covered or dressed more warmly. Another common reason babies cry is wet and dirty diapers... Usually just before you urinate or have a bowel movement child makes a sound similar to a squeak or whimper, and after the action itself, if the mother does not help, such sounds of discontent can turn into a scream. The discomfort in this case can be exacerbated by skin irritation. Many parents note that their baby begins to cry every day closer to six o'clock in the evening. Crying at the end of the day – A kind of means of discharge, giving a way out of the accumulated fatigue and nervousness. Take the baby in your arms, shake it, sing a lullaby, give it a drink, and when it calms down, put it in the crib. Negative emotional states occur in children due to violations of the daily routine, changes in the usual course of life... The kid will be capricious both in the case when he did not sleep well, and when he is overexcited and cannot fall asleep. Negative, conflicting family atmosphere detrimental to behavior toddler: it is not surprising that when adults quarrel, child crying. Trying to calm down the child, the mother herself should be calm: her anxiety, agitation is transmitted to the baby. Improper care can also cause discontent and crying of the child, his bad behavior during feeding, bathing, changing clothes. The child cries when bathing and even with one type of bathing accessories, if he has gained a negative experience with this activity - for example, the water was too hot or the soap stung his eyes. If adults accidentally pinched the skin of a child when they fastened buttons or buttons on clothes, tugged at the handles, the baby may resist and cry when dressing. Loss of appetite, crying and other protective reactions can be caused by force-feeding, very hot or cold food, situations when an overflowing spoon is put in the baby's mouth, the next portion is brought to the mouth too quickly, while the baby has not yet swallowed the previous one. The habit of sucking on a pacifier often calms the baby, but this prevents the jaws from growing and developing properly, and from forming a correct bite. Children with hyperexcitability can be given a pacifier before falling asleep, but after the onset of sleep, it must be carefully removed from the child's mouth.

Alarming symptoms

Child's discomfort, pain- the most unpleasant reasons for crying children. As a rule, there is no clear localization of pain in infants due to the imperfect development of their nervous system. Therefore, in case of pain in any part of the body, a small child behaves the same way: crying, screaming, twisting legs. By the behavior of the infant in response to a painful stimulus, it is impossible to say with certainty that he is in pain. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult even for a specialist to determine what is actually the cause of concern. toddler... Crying in pain is a cry with a tinge of hopelessness and suffering. It is quite smooth, incessant, with periodic bursts of screaming, which probably correspond to sensations of increased pain. The most common and common ailments that cause a crying baby are pain in the tummy (colic), teething pain, headache (called infantile migraine) and skin hypersensitivity when it is irritated, diaper rash, "diaper dermatitis". Bloating and abdominal pain (colic) usually disturb babies up to three to six months of age. At this age, the process of digestion and movement of food through the intestines is imperfect due to insufficient contractility of the muscular layer of the intestine, low activity of enzymes, not formed or disturbed for any reason by the intestinal microflora. Other reasons may be inaccuracies in the diet of a breastfeeding mother; erratic, unnecessarily frequent feeding toddler; the introduction of crumbs of food into the diet that does not correspond to his age. Colic can also be one of the signs of diseases of the gastrointestinal tract. The occurrence of colic is due to the fact that food does not have time to be absorbed by the intestines and gases are formed in an increased amount. With each feeding, this process intensifies and reaches its peak in the evening hours. At the same time, children cry, twist their legs and pull them to the stomach, their sleep is disturbed. In case of colic, it is necessary to give the opportunity to move away gases: massage the abdomen in a circular motion clockwise; put the child on his stomach, bend the legs at the hip and knee joints (frog position); you can put the gas tube into the anus, lubricate it and the end of the tube with oil, insert the tube into the anus 3 cm with a slight twisting motion. You can also put it on your stomach toddler soft warm cloth, take it in your arms and press it with your stomach against you - the warmth will relieve colic. Try to offer the baby a special baby tea based on dill, which helps to release gases. If colic recurs, you should consult your doctor. He will conduct an examination, prescribe drugs that help reduce excessive gas formation, restore normal intestinal microflora, which will also lead to a decrease in gas formation, normalization of stool, and, if necessary, correct nutrition. Headache, or "infant migraine", occurs most often in newborns with perinatal encephalopathy syndrome (PEP), including increased intracranial pressure, increased or decreased muscle tone, and increased excitability. Such children often react to changes in atmospheric pressure, changes in the weather. They behave restlessly in windy, rainy, cloudy weather. Like an adult, a child with a headache may experience a general malaise: nausea, vomiting, indigestion. In this case, you should definitely contact a specialist who will select the right treatment. Teething- always stress for the crumbs. The child may be capricious, cry, his temperature may rise, and loose stools may appear. At this time, the baby is very susceptible to infections. To facilitate teething, there are special teether rings with a liquid inside. Usually they are chilled (but not frozen!) In the refrigerator and allowed to be nibbled by the baby. Even simply rubbing your gums with your finger will reduce the pain. But if all this does not help, and even more so - if this process has led to an increase in temperature and a violation of the stool, consult a pediatrician. You may need a pain reliever (such as gum gel). Skin irritation can cause toddler significant concern, therefore, the condition of the child's skin should be given considerable attention. Diaper dermatitis is manifested by redness, the appearance of an inflammatory rash on the skin of the buttocks, perineum toddler, child becomes irritable, crying, especially when changing diapers. Urine, feces, when in contact with the child's skin, disrupt its acid-base balance, causing irritation and damage to the skin. To prevent such complications, it is necessary to thoroughly cleanse the baby's skin, change diapers more often (in newborns, at least 8 times a day). In cases of severe irritation or the development of an inflammatory process on the skin, you should consult a pediatrician. As your baby grows and matures, he will cry less. In the meantime, mother's affection, mother's hands, mother's voice, mother's warmth will be constantly needed to calm the baby; nothing and no one can replace them for your baby. Remember that you can only solve "educational problems" if your child surrounded by love, attention and is in constant contact with the people closest to him.

Before each feeding, take care of the prevention of colic, natural gas flow: tighten the legs toddler to the stomach and do a light massage at the same time, apply a woolen scarf (a heated diaper, heating pad) to the stomach, put the child on his stomach for a few minutes (on the sofa, and even better on your or dad's knees), while stroking the back. During meals, make sure that the baby tightly wraps his mouth around the nipple or nipple. If you need to bottle feed, purchase special nipples to keep air out of your food. After feeding, do not rush to put the baby to bed, but hold him upright for a while (as a rule, he vomits up “extra” air). Try playing melodic, calm music. Many mothers claim that the music they listened to during pregnancy, wanting to relax, becomes their magic wand during periods of uncontrollable crying of the baby. Sometimes you need a change of scenery. First, leave the room with your child. Let him see another room and objects that can attract his attention. If possible, we recommend going for a walk with your baby. The bath has a calming effect on both children and adults. Also, if your child loves splashing in the water, bathing can be the best way to calm him down. Most importantly, never lose your temper or yell at your child. And the last, albeit the most difficult, recommendation: try to anticipate your child's wishes. Almost all children unconsciously make certain gestures when they want to eat, sleep, etc. Try to memorize them and satisfy the child's desire before he cries. The main thing is, never let to kid screaming to the point of exhaustion.

Your baby cries often, and you see no reason for this. Believe me, this does not happen. There is always a reason for crying. You will learn about why a baby can cry, how to find out the reason, how to prevent tearfulness from the wonderful book of a practicing child psychiatrist Alevtina Lugovskaya. Using her advice and recommendations, you will not only change the character of the baby, but also learn how to become both a mother and a real friend for him.

Chapter 1. Why is the baby crying?

Let's start, dear parents, let's figure out what baby crying is and how it can be caused. Finding out this is important, because only knowing the roots of tears, you can eliminate both. And I also want to say that parents think incorrectly, who, not understanding why the child is endlessly shedding tears, consider this crying to be unreasonable. Believe me, this does not happen.

Crying is a signal that reflexively arises in infants due to the feeling of hunger, thirst, desire to sleep and the urge to natural recovery. Subsequently, crying signals any unpleasant, intolerable feeling, reaching the degree of affect: acute anxiety and fear, sadness and melancholy, irritation and excitement.

The various functions of crying - whim (hysteria), protest, request, demand, complaint (resentment), crying signal, crying-release - constitute a complex psychological structure, that is, a kind of language.

For prying ears, baby crying is an unpleasant irritant. Mom always knows how to catch notes in him that indicate what her baby wants. If adults try to use any means to stop crying children, they risk not only increasing the distance between themselves and him, but also erecting a real wall of indifference and misunderstanding.

However, there are children who cry more than others. They shed tears for every occasion: sympathizing with their favorite characters in a fairy tale or seeing a dead butterfly, hearing screams and loud voices, experiencing physical pain or coming into conflict with someone.

Crying is a strong mental experience, a kind of emotional shock that occurs against the background of previous stress, excitement or lethargy.

It can be the result of a voltage discharge, like an overflowing thundercloud from which rain is poured. The relief experienced after crying contributes to some degree of mood improvement, thus providing a means of regulating emotional tone.

Sometimes crying speaks of the limitation of vital interests and needs that the child cannot come to terms with, of the humiliation of his self-esteem, insult and resentment. Often it arises as a way to attract the attention of parents, as a kind of request for help, intervene, resolve this or that exciting problem. In emotionally indifferent parents, the cry of the baby in this case reaches the gradation of a cry of despair, as if calling them to be more responsive to him. Thus, he complains about the one who offended him, about poor health, pain, inability to realize his desires.

Many parents complain about the restless behavior of their children: whims, irritability, tears over every trifle, turning into tantrums when the child falls to the floor, begins to beat with his feet or hands. We must try to find out the reason for this behavior and try to eliminate it.

Especially often the mother is alarmed by the inexplicable cry of a nursing baby. In such cases, if you are convinced that there is no apparent reason for concern, and the doctor, having examined him, concluded that he is healthy, you should not run up to him at every cry, pick him up and please, feed him at the wrong time, just to calm him down. ... Otherwise, the baby will get used to the fact that by screaming he can achieve everything he wants. The wrong techniques will only calm him down for a short time.

To begin with, crying in the first years of his life, the baby expresses his natural needs, that is, he wants to eat, drink, relieve himself or feel uncomfortable in wet clothes. The child still does not know how to speak and expresses all his desires through crying, thereby attracting the attention of the parents.

Later, when the baby learns to pronounce his first words and, it would seem, should already express his desires with them, he still cries and is capricious if he wants something. This happens reflexively, because the subconscious contains information about this way of fulfilling desires.

Nervous irritability often arises in him in the event that he persistently demands the impossible. Sometimes he doesn’t need this object at all, he’s just used to getting his way with crying and tears.

It is also possible that at an early age a child is taught to be calm and cheerful only in the presence of adults. He feels comfortable only when someone is nearby, they pay attention to him. And this is undesirable, since it is fraught with unpleasant consequences.

If the baby does not find something to do and feels the need for direct contact with parents, he can express his desire to attract the attention of adults, with tears, whimpering, complaints of various misfortunes and thus achieve his goal. If he is very small, they will pick him up and try to calm him down, that is, they will show some kind of attention.

Communication means a lot to your baby. Those parents who pay enough attention to this do the right thing. But you shouldn't indulge and fulfill all your whims: give whatever you ask for, constantly take it in your arms and be relentlessly close, dropping all your affairs and worries.

Around the sixth week of life, often at nightfall, the baby begins to cry, writhe, and show signs of illness. At the same time, he is clean, he has drunk enough water, he is not hot ... This state is called "evening restlessness." Don't be alarmed. This often happens, but it passes, as it corresponds to the phase of restless awakening, which disappears by the third month of life. He has no other way to discharge the stress accumulated during the day, and he discharges in this way. Consider it the difficulty of adjusting the newborn to the rhythms of day and night.

When a baby's teeth start to cut, he becomes very irritable and whiny. Teeth are a very painful process: the gums swell, itch and ache, saliva runs strongly, his temperature rises.

Crying can also be the result of emotional distress when the baby is afraid or unable to express his feelings and desires out loud. This is possible in contact with strangers, strangers to him. Often on the street or in transport we hear such expressions: "Stop squealing, otherwise I will give you to my uncle!" or "If you kick your aunt with your feet, she will take you with her!"

Usually such threats are negative. But there are children with a very sensitive and vulnerable psyche, such warnings make a very strong impression on them, cause fear. And the words "Come on, come on, I'll take her to me!" can cause panic at the prospect of spending their entire life in the company of strangers. After all, the baby takes everything said at face value.

Such threats develop in children a persistent rejection of strangers, and in the future, after all, they feel free and at ease only in a familiar environment, in the circle of relatives and friends.

If the baby is cold or hot, and he does not know how to tell about it, he naturally begins to cry. He also expresses his emotions when he gets back into his pants. Of course, who will enjoy walking in wet clothes! And the kid calls with a loud cry to correct the annoying misunderstandings.

Irritability, tears and whims are sometimes the result of an overload of impressions when you take him shopping, visiting, walking in the park, going to the zoo, or riding the carousel, where there is a lot of people and noise. Babies react differently to noises and a large crowd of people: someone quickly gets used to it, while someone is very afraid and may even get sick as a result.

The kid does not want to go to bed, so he starts to act up and cry. All your tenderness may not be enough if the child does not want to go to bed, his cry fills all corners of the house. It will take a lot of patience to resolve this situation. Such crying should be treated as a gradual reeducation process, like weaning from a bad habit.

Children, like adults, also have dreams. But since the child cannot yet find explanations for many objects and phenomena, they, naturally, frighten him. As you know, we most often have dreams associated with previous events. And if he dreamed of something unfamiliar, incomprehensible, this causes his fear and - as a result - tears. In other words, the baby had a nightmare.

He may burst into tears not only because of a bad dream. There are a lot of things in the world that the child does not yet know and cannot explain, hence the strong fright, and the baby begins to cry up to hysterics and painful spasms.

When a child falls ill and cannot explain that he is in pain, he begins to cry from pain, to be capricious, refuses to eat, sleeps restlessly.

In the first years of his life, he is under the constant supervision of a local doctor. It is very important that he is not afraid of his visit. Usually, children associate a white coat with pain, injections, an unpleasant sensation when they listen to it or look at the neck, and start crying, even hysterical, resist, fight, do not give the doctor an examination, push his hands away.

Crying is a natural reaction if your baby falls or bumps. Of course, it hurts. Children generally take their failures very seriously. Even if he did not hit hard, he would still make a whole tragedy out of this, because it is important for him that they pay attention to him, sympathize and regret.

Sometimes children do not want to wear what their parents offer them - and again whims, tears and other actions, including throwing clothes.

Not all children quickly get used to kindergarten. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort and patience to adapt to a new environment and get used to other kids. After all, the child considered it natural that his mother should always be with him. Finding himself in an unfamiliar environment and losing sight of his parents, the baby gets scared and starts looking for them, expressing his dissatisfaction with crying.

He may cry if other children have offended him. For example, they pushed him, didn't share the toy, took away a book with interesting pictures ...

By crying, he expresses dissatisfaction when something does not work out for him. For example, a child tried, without success, to put on his socks on his own. The sock turns over, the leg does not want to get into it. The kid begins to get nervous and cry, as if attracting the attention of adults to help him.

In the early years, children sweat a lot, recover on diapers or romper suit. All this negatively affects the condition of their skin. Therefore, it is very important to bathe them regularly. But not everyone loves water procedures and expresses their dissatisfaction with shouts and crying, arrange "concerts", attracting the attention of not only relatives and friends, but even neighbors who listen with bewilderment to loud screams behind the wall and painfully wonder what they are doing with a child, since he cries so hysterically.

Tears can be the result of punishment. In general, they greatly affect the mental development of the child. He can withdraw, become embittered, as he sees the connections between his behavior and punishment, evaluating it only as violence from adults.

The punishment for no reason seems especially offensive to the kid, when he is not at all to blame. For example, while walking, someone pushed him into the mud, naturally, he got dirty, scared and burst into tears. Arriving home, he looks for sympathy from his mother, and she starts yelling at him, because she will have to wash again. She didn’t understand the situation, didn’t ask him about how it happened. As a result, the child, bellowing and offended, stands in the corner, serving a sentence.

A crying child, being in a state of passion, poorly perceives comments, advice, orders, which means that it is useless to educate when crying. It is unacceptable to punish him, crying, since he can easily forget what he was punished for, and the very state of crying is inherently a punishment for him.

There is a conventional wisdom that tears in children are easy to dry. Indeed, the duration of the emotional state in babies under five years old is relatively short, but the strength of emotions is not inferior, and sometimes even surpasses the similar state in adults.

The grief of a child over the loss of a beloved kitten is no less great than the grief of an adult who has lost a loved one. And it is simply impossible to dismiss him in such a situation, even if he forgets about it in two weeks. And the fear of being abandoned in the kindergarten locker room? Adults think that 15 minutes will not change anything, and they are wrong.

Experiences and emotions require a lot of effort, so do not oversaturate the baby's day with a complex of events, even if they are pleasant. It can cause unexpected vomiting, moodiness, tearfulness, and sleep disturbances.

Chapter 2. What should parents do?

One cannot ignore the crying of a son or daughter at all. This can irreparably damage the credibility of adults. When crying is of an obvious hysterical nature, the best thing is not to reinforce it with increased attention, but to provide an opportunity for a release of nervous tension. In other cases, crying should be dealt with, which is possible only with trusting contact and a guarantee of no punishment.

First of all, the baby cries, expressing natural needs. This is very easy to find out by asking him to eat or drink. He cryingly informs that he has a wet diaper or clothes. Check and replace them. An older child, perhaps, so asks for a potty. To act in such a situation is easy: put him on a pot and stay with him, distract him with a conversation or show him a toy.

He may burst into tears if he is hot or, conversely, cold. You will determine this by the condition of his skin: the skin will be wet, sweaty if he is hot, and cool, pimples (goose bumps) if the baby is cold. After finding out the cause, try to eliminate it. In general, it is very undesirable for children to overheat, it is worse for them than the cold. Do not make a sissy out of it, do not wrap it up, turning it into cabbage, this will quickly lead to diseases.

Tearfulness and whims are most often the result of illness. He may scream because he has a tummy ache, there is no stool for more than the prescribed time. Use a gentle abdominal massage to relieve discomfort. The massage is performed clockwise with stroking movements. Keep your hands warm, use baby cream to better slide your hands over his body.

If there is no effect, remove gases. To do this, put the baby on the left side and bend his legs, pressing them against the tummy. Another method can be used - insert a gas tube. The last resort, if there is no positive result, is an enema. Put the baby on the left side and make an enema with warm boiled water.

If a serious illness manifests itself, in no case do not self-medicate, because you do not know what the child is sick with. Call your local doctor at home. The first symptoms of the disease, as a rule, are lethargy, drowsiness, refusal to eat. Pay attention to the condition of the skin, look at the neck, check the stool. Be sure to measure your body temperature.

As you know, when a child is sick, his appetite decreases, so do not force him, do not give food as much as possible. Another important point: even if the baby is sick, do not hold him forcibly in bed. Since the constant stay in bed is accompanied by crying due to the unwillingness to lie, know that the baby will spend as much energy on tears as on walking.

Dress it according to the temperature regime, but by no means half of the wardrobe - overheating is very dangerous for children, especially when they are sick.

It often happens that even after recovery, a nervous and tearful state persists. Be patient. Do not respond to him with your irritation and screams, but first of all, take care of strict adherence to the established regimen in accordance with the condition and age of the child: put him to bed on time, feed him correctly and be in the fresh air more often. Give your child as much care and affection as possible, because even an adult, when sick, requires increased attention to himself. Try to distract him from the consequences of the illness (weakness, imbalance), do not break the usual regime, this can only harm.

The child cries, is capricious, does not want to go to the doctor's office. First of all, you need to talk to him, explain why you are going to the clinic and how this visit will go. The relationship between the child and the doctor is formed through the parents, because they bring him to the appointment, explain the reason for his arrival, the symptoms of the disease. Therefore, it is very important to explain to him that there is nothing wrong with such a visit, that he will not be hurt there. In no case should the child be frightened with injections and the hospital. Imagine that you can instill in a toddler fear and dislike of people in white coats for life.

The child is naughty, crying, does not want to go to bed. Of course, after all, from the first days of his life he got used to your constant presence, does not want to part, leave toys and go to bed. He needs you to be around for some time. Sit on the edge of the bed, tell him some kind story, fairy tale, read a book, or just look at pictures with him. You can sing a little song or just talk about your day.

This will allow your little one to end their day in peace. Ask him about what interesting happened, share with him your affairs, but do it so that it is clear to him. His favorite toy should be nearby so that he can reach it. After all, children love to sleep with toys. At this moment, you should give your baby maximum attention and affection, as this is very important for him and for you and helps to strengthen your relationship.

Sometimes the baby, on the contrary, is naughty because he wants to sleep, but will not fall asleep in any way. Indulge him, pet him, give him a relaxing massage. Stay with him a little, try to tune him to sleep.

To train your baby to go to bed voluntarily, the first step is to calm him down. Let him cry for a few minutes, then come and pet him. Gradually increase the time gap before coming to him when he starts crying. Over time, he will understand that he was not abandoned when he sleeps, loving parents are nearby. You will let him know that you love him, that you are always with him. So he will calm down, get used to it and will fall asleep without whims.

If the baby refuses to eat, do not force feed him, do not yell at him. Please be patient. Tell me what you need to eat to grow up big and healthy, like a dad, for example; put the toy on the table and "feed" it, alternating - one spoon to the doll, the other to him. There is another well-known way - it is to eat a spoon for each of the family members: for dad, for mom, for grandmother ...

Your baby doesn't like or want to swim. What to do in such a situation? First of all, try to explain to him why this is being done. Tell us how important it is to keep your body clean. Remember the fairy tale "Moidodyr" about the boy, from whom all his clothes ran away, because he was dirtier. Remind him how he was sick lately, and try to convince him that if he goes swimming, he will never get sick.

Use a wide variety of washable toys. Now there are many wind-up waterfowl toys that can distract him while swimming. Blow bubbles together. The most important thing is that you should be nearby, in no case leave the baby alone in the bathroom, because he can not only choke, but also be very scared of the water.

Sometimes the reluctance to swim is due to soap or shampoo getting in your eyes. He continues to have unpleasant sensations, so he begins to cry. Use special detergents for children that will not irritate the eyes.

The kid is stubborn and does not want to dress, begins to get nervous, cry, throw clothes. Find out why he is protesting. Maybe he wants to put on his favorite thing, let, if possible, make a choice for him himself. Or, showing the thing, interest in some pattern, say that the blouse or pants are beautiful, warm and comfortable.

Sometimes the baby does not like clothes, because he is uncomfortable in them, but he cannot express it in words. If you go outside, and the child objects to a warm jacket, explain that it is cold outside, show that you will also dress warmly. But in no case go to screaming, do not dress the child by force. This will negatively affect your future relationship.

The kid grows, develops, learns, acquires some skills. When something does not work out for him, he can burst into tears, scatter objects, toys. Crying in this case, he calls you for help, since he himself cannot cope. Find out what he wants. Help him to do this, but do not yell at him, and even more so, you should not help him silently. It might look something like this: “Let me help you. I'll show you how to do it, and you will repeat it ”or“ Let's do it together ”.

The child does not want to go to a nursery or kindergarten. Keep in mind that he finds himself in an unfamiliar environment and the adaptation period can be very different - someone gets used to it very quickly, while another will take more time. After all, the baby loses your presence and is very afraid of being left in an unfamiliar environment without you.

Explain to him why you are sending him to kindergarten. Try to instill that you are not doing this in order to get rid of him, not because you are tired of him, you are tired or you have more important things to do, but to help him have more interesting and richer time.

It takes effort and patience for the baby to adapt faster. In no case should you drag the child to the kindergarten by force, shout at him and scare him that you will not take him home if he does not stop crying. Try so that going to kindergarten does not become a psychological trauma for him, but, on the contrary, turns out to be a joyful event. It should be prepared in advance for this.

Arriving at the kindergarten, the baby should already have the skills of washing, dressing on his own, and sitting on the potty. Therefore, instill in him the necessary everyday skills in advance so that he has more time for games and there are no offensive problems associated with the inability to do something on his own.

Tell us more about the kindergarten, what the child will do there. Be sure to say that he is already big and you are proud of him, because he can now go to kindergarten as you go to work.

Try to convince him that they will not be offended in the kindergarten that there are other children and toys. You can take his favorite toy with you, so that he was calmer, since a piece of the house and everything that he is used to is with him. Do not run away as soon as you bring the baby. Slowly undress him and lead him by the hand to the group, interest him with something so that the baby is distracted.

There are children who for a very long time cannot get used to the kindergarten, are afraid to go there, resist, cry. In a group, they hide in a corner, do not play with anyone, avoid educators. First of all, try to talk to the child, establish the reason, maybe the educators treat him badly or other children offend him?

In the kindergarten, in the course of communication, children, like adults, may experience conflict situations. This is most often due to toys. They can push him, offend him, take away the toy with which he wanted to play. Talk to him and, having found out the reason, try to eliminate it, but this does not mean that you urgently need to transfer the baby to another nursery or kindergarten. Be patient, act gradually, ask him in detail about what he was doing, with whom he played. All this will help him to believe that he will be fine in the kindergarten, and he can perfectly play with other children until his mother arrives.

As you know, children are very fond of outdoor games, they love to run and very often fall and get dirty. You can't punish or shout for this. This is natural for his age and very beneficial for his development. Imagine what will come of a child if he is quietly sitting on a chair, having lost his usual mobility? Muscle weakness may develop, he will be more susceptible to diseases, he is lagging behind peers.

If the baby fell, knocked hard, tore off his knees, do not yell at him, he is already scared. Try to calm, distract, and gently treat the wounds. Explain that this is not so scary and will heal soon.

If the baby is “overwhelmed” with impressions, it is difficult for him to understand and perceive a large amount of information received, to “digest” it, he starts to be capricious, cry. We need to talk to him about his impressions, try to find out what annoys him or, on the contrary, interested him. If something is not clear to him, do not dismiss it, try to explain to him in such a way that he understands.

In no case should you frighten and deceive the child. The shock caused by fear can have a detrimental effect on his psyche, he can start to stutter, twitch, be afraid of the dark, loud noises, a room in which there is no one. If the baby is capricious, crying, in no case do not frighten him with wolves, witches and other scary characters, this can lead to the development of mental illness.

Sometimes a baby can cry because he is just bored. Try to cheer him up. Offer him something to do, do something together. Get the child interested. Look at a picture book, play something, in the end, just chat with him. Very often, parents dismiss their children, motivating this with their fatigue and busyness. All this can end badly enough. He will withdraw into himself, harbor resentment, and you risk losing not only his trust, but the child in general as a person.

There is no simple and universal recipe here. However, we can say with confidence that sensitivity and vulnerability are signs of the mental makeup of such children, the properties of their nervous system. It is impossible to change these innate features at will. Moreover, such means of educational influence as persuasion, reproaches, punishments, shouts, ridicule will not help here, but rather even bring a negative result. Any violent measures will cause an increase in tension and excitement, weaken the baby's nervous system even more, take away strength and self-confidence.

Even the most loving parents will not be able to protect their child from life's troubles, because you cannot keep a child under a glass cover all the time. Therefore, the simplest tactic in dealing with such children is not to be annoyed by their crying. But being with them is the best way to calm them down. Let him feel that you are ready to help him, because it is so important to him.

Try to switch his attention to something else, to give some specific task so that it will interest the baby and, of course, be within his power.

In short, the most important thing that is required of parents is patience. Do not forget that high emotional sensitivity is closely related to responsiveness, kindness, cordiality, willingness to come to the rescue, to defend the weak, and these are very valuable human qualities!

Therefore, no matter how strange it sounds, listen to the child's cry, delve into its meaning, and do not try to interrupt it as quickly as possible, dry up the child's tears. Crying and tears is the language of children's communication, so do not be deaf to it just because you have forgotten how to speak it yourself.

If a child is afraid of strangers, of course, he expresses this through tears. Fear of strangers is a typical form of maladjusted behavior of a toddler. It was at this time that he is in dire need of your support, understanding, protection. A calm, friendly family atmosphere helps to relieve stress and makes it easy to deal with the problem.

The world of the child is still mainly limited by the walls of the house, courtyard or kindergarten, so the appearance of an unfamiliar face causes the child's suspicion. If a stranger behaves harmlessly from his point of view, for example, does not touch his toys, if his parents are not enough in the armful, the alertness gradually disappears. Otherwise, it can develop into panic fear and even persistent phobia.

It is good when parents are sympathetic to this problem. This means that they will not allow themselves to abuse a child just in order to demonstrate to their acquaintances their achievements in the field of upbringing the younger generation.

If your baby is crying, do not rush to call the doctor or stuff him with pills and potions, just pat him on the head. The mother's warm soft hands touched the baby, stroked the back, tummy, breast, lingered on the forehead a little longer, and the baby calmed down.

Awesome effect, right? But this is not unusual. It has been known for a long time that massage has a calming effect, especially if it is done by a mother. She kind of transfers her warmth, calmness to the baby, and he stops crying and being capricious. With the utmost patience and attention, in the future you will be rewarded for this with the health and well-being of your child.

Chapter 3. Mom + baby = friendship

How do you gain the trust of your child? How to challenge him to frankness? Parents very often ask themselves this question, but sometimes, unfortunately, it is too late, when it is very difficult to regain lost trust, respect and authority.

First of all, you shouldn't lose this trust. After all, from the very first days of its existence, the baby sees in you his protection and always runs to his mother when someone offends him or if something does not work out for him. So take your time to break the physical and emotional unity that develops between you and your child. Smile, talk to the baby, and no matter that he does not understand the meaning of your words, the main thing for him is that they communicate with him, the intonation with which you pronounce the words matters.

The unity that has been established between you and the baby from the very first days of its existence will, of course, change over time, but it will still remain the unity of mother and child, only passing into a new, meaningful quality. You will get rid of many problems if you become not only a mother for him, but also a friend.

The child is able to feel and understand whether he is loved, whether he is happy, whether he is treated with respect. It means that it is not enough to tell him that he is loved, he must fully find confirmation of this, so that it does not happen that you tell him about your love, but in fact he feels very lonely.

Deception leads to the fact that the child gradually loses confidence in adults, because he expects danger at any moment. Constant alertness makes him nervous, makes him shy and whiny. In no case should you try to get something from him by fraudulent means.

For example, if mom has gone to the store, and dad says that mom will be back soon and bring something sweet, the baby starts running from window to window in anticipation. And when mom finally comes and does not bring the sweets promised by his father, he gets disappointed, and he cries out of resentment. If this happens repeatedly, the baby will stop trusting you.

Lack of maternal love and attention leads to the fact that the baby withdraws into himself, becomes lonely next to loved ones. But childhood loneliness is a rather terrible thing. Parents are engaged in solving their problems: career, finances, personal life - leaving the child to himself, limiting the relationship with him exclusively to issues of care.

Communication with peers is very important. And if the kid is embarrassed to make contact with other children, he needs help. The help of adults is invaluable here. He should be introduced to the other children by name, ask what they are playing and if they will not accept another participant. Usually, among the guys there is always someone who takes a newcomer under his patronage, helps him get used to a new company.

But sometimes it happens that they can offend him, call him, come up with an offensive nickname for him. After such incidents, the child becomes isolated, preferring loneliness.

It may be that he was made unsociable by his own offense, which caused severe emotional stress. Playing with other children, the kid could inadvertently drop his companion, get hit by a snowball ... The sight of blood and inconsolable sobs can have a profound effect on the psyche of the kid. As a result, he refuses the usual games, does not communicate with friends, does not go out, sitting at home for hours, and responds to all persuasions with a stream of tears.

In this case, you cannot persuade him or swear. You can help him restore peace of mind by talking, explaining the situation in such a way that his guilt complex dissipates.

The employment of modern adults is one of the signs of our time, when parents manage, in addition to their main job, to run part-time jobs, have two services, and take things home. What if the child is raised by a single mother? Here, the issue of raising a normal, full-fledged person is very acute.

The decision to have a child is connected with the acceptance by adults of responsibility for his fate. But to consider oneself as the root cause of everything that happens to him is by no means wrong. The child is able to take responsibility for his actions. As soon as he is asked to do something himself, he will understand that he must be responsible for his actions. Endless instructions and parting words, and even more lamentations and lamentations after his unseemly act, will lead him to aggression.

To understand your child, change his behavior, make contact, or regain lost trust, you must first change yourself. Open your eyes. After all, you are accustomed to forbid everything to him and demanded unconditional obedience. It is convenient for you. But try to understand that the child has his own "I", his own affairs, aspirations, needs, independence. Realizing this, you can soberly assess your relationship with him.

Analyze your behavior, your attitude towards the baby, every gesture, word, action, put yourself in his place, and this will allow you to establish mutual understanding.

It is important to understand that upbringing is cooperation, interaction, mutual influence, mutual enrichment (emotional, moral, spiritual, intellectual) between adults and a child.

To successfully raise a child, parents must certainly correct their behavior, engage in self-education, and not set bad examples. If you want to get him to unquestioningly fulfill your requirements, which in fact you do not follow yourself, this will only be possible through coercive measures: the child will fulfill the requirements formally, out of fear of punishment. This fear ultimately gives rise to deception, hypocrisy, cunning ...

Do we understand our children? To understand a person means to see the reasons for his actions, to explain the motives that prompted him to act in a certain way. To learn to understand, it is necessary to reduce the overstated requirements, which he simply cannot fulfill.

The child's behavior can be explained by analyzing the conditions under which his development takes place. If the kid was constantly shouted at, physical punishment was used, he, most likely, will have a need to avoid such shocks and, as a result, such negative traits as deceit, fearfulness, distrustfulness, aggressiveness will appear ...

If the baby was protected from labor and adults did everything for him, the child becomes lazy, weak-willed, will avoid any business, which means that they will pretend, curry favor, trick, deceive.

Another option, when the baby was simply spoiled: they bought expensive things and toys, they did not refuse him anything. Such a child develops exorbitant aspirations, but at the same time an inability to take care of things and appreciate the work put into them. Remember that the lack of communication cannot be filled with expensive toys, things, the unquestioning fulfillment of all his desires.

The baby will poorly develop intelligence, thinking, the ability to experience, an interest in knowledge, if you have not read books to him, have little contact with him. After all, intellectual inclinations are laid from early childhood, so communicate with him, teach him to love books, but do not force him to read by force - you will get the opposite, negative effect.

Sometimes parents are very zealous in the education of their children. From an early age, they hire tutors, send them to prestigious kindergartens and educational institutions with special inclinations, load them with music schools, dance, etc. But somehow they forget to ask him himself if he likes all this. Note that very few children enjoy singing, dancing, or music.

Do not overload your baby with things that he is not interested in. Try to figure out his addictions and find an appropriate activity. Give him the right to choose, the right to decide for himself what to do.

From early childhood, develop the abilities of children. Awaken attention in their souls, arouse representations and observation. To do this, use a variety of subjects, teach to describe them, talk about their purpose. Develop mental skills that will help your baby find himself in the future.

To develop a baby's feelings of love, compassion, you can have some kind of pet. He will proudly tell everyone that he has a hamster or a kitten. Show your child how to properly care for him, how to feed him, how to generally treat him. If you notice that he offends the animal, explain that he is also alive and in pain. Tell that the animal has lost its parents, it is very lonely, and it needs someone to take care of it.

Train him to take care of the animal himself, and you will see what the result will be. This will instill in him not only love for nature and animals, but will help to understand his significance, necessity for someone, relieve him of the feeling of loneliness. The child will look at your relationship with him with different eyes, which will help strengthen them.

Understand that what the baby is doing is extremely important to him, even if it seems to you that it is not so. Let me give you an example from my own practice. A young mother came to my reception and said: “One day my son came up to me and asked me to play with him. At that time, I watched an interesting program and explained to the kid that I was busy now, and I would play with him later. After a while, going into the child's room, I saw that he was putting a toy under the bed, then he took it out and put it back in. I called the child to dinner, to which I received the following answer: "I'm busy now, I'll come back later."

The woman did not know how to react to such an answer. This was repeated many times. I explained to the young mother that the child imitates her in everything, and, in his opinion, what he does is very important to him. Therefore, he does not understand his mother's indignation at his behavior. After all, he was waiting for the end of an important program for mom. So why doesn't she want to wait?

Sometimes, in order for a child to understand what care and respect is, he himself needs to take care of someone. For example, you came home from work, you are tired, you have a bad headache, and you are in trouble at work. The kid looks at you inquisitively, wondering why you are in such a state. Ask him to bring you a drink. Tell him, without going into details, that you were offended at work, let the baby show sympathy, let him pity you. So he will understand that you need him, you cannot live without him.

If you notice your baby has a tendency to lie, try to reveal the reason. Lies often arise from fear of punishment. Do not punish him too harshly, and even more severe corporal punishment should be avoided. Try to find out why the child lied, delve into his problem. Perhaps, by talking to him, you will save him not only from this vice, fear, but also from other complexes.

Allow your baby to show your importance, reckon with his desires (reasonable, of course!). After all, self-expression is the main, urgent need of human nature.

Let your baby participate in your activities, whether you are mopping the floor or making breakfast. It is very important for him to feel that he is trusted to do something on an equal basis with adults. After all, children from an early age begin to imitate their parents, very quickly absorbing everything they see and hear. Involving the child in some business not only teaches him to work, but also brings him closer to his parents. Such a child will treat his parents with respect and understanding, to what they are doing.

It is not necessary to entrust the baby with something difficult, with which he is not able to cope. Give him a task that he can complete: wash the cup after him, dust off the table, and finally fold his toys. Praise him, tell him that he helped you a lot and without him you would not have coped.

Do not scream if your baby is trying to do something he is unable to cope with. See how he tries to do it, help him. Tell him he's done.

If, for example, you decide to sew something for yourself, and a daughter is spinning next to a doll, involve her in your occupation. Give some scraps of fabric, let him do something too. If something doesn't work out for her, help her. Do not forget about praise, because it means a lot to the child.

Or another situation: dad is making a shelf in the hallway. A little son is spinning nearby, grabbing tools, nails, "getting tangled" underfoot. Do not drive him away, do not be afraid that he will hit himself in the fingers with a hammer or drop the tool on his leg. Let him help, say that without him nothing will work. Give such a task that he will happily complete it and that it is safe for him. You will see an amazing result when the son proudly tells everyone that he and his dad made the shelf.

Joint games, which bring not only pleasure, but also educational information, have a very positive effect on the relationship with the child. Children's games are their main occupation, but they should be directed in such a way that they stimulate the harmonious activity of all the mental abilities of the baby, avoiding one-sidedness.

Offer him a game for speed, for example, who will collect the pyramid faster. Of course, you should give in, and when the little one proudly shows that he did it first, praise him.

Playing with your baby or doing something, you get closer to him. The child is interested in you, you are one whole.

Walking is very beneficial for family relationships. You've probably often seen the picture when the baby, tightly holding the hands of dad and mom, proudly walks on a walk. Run with him, play some games, swing on the swing, roll in the snow or throw snowballs at the target. Walking together not only cheers up, contributes to better physical development of the baby, but also strengthens relationships.

Small children, it would seem, at such an ignorant age, surprisingly subtly perceive any, including the most intimate, feelings of their parents. Under normal conditions, it is the harmonious combination of these feelings that creates a sense of confidence and happiness in the child.

In order for mutual understanding and trust to exist between you, you must give all your love and attention to the baby, from early childhood teach you to work, respect adults, and value friendship. Give him as much attention as possible, do not dismiss his childhood problems as an annoying fly.

Try to become your child a real friend, and then you will see his shining eyes and understand that for him you are not just a mother, an object of adoration and admiration, reliable protection and support, you are his most loyal and reliable friend.