Treason and its punishment in a married marriage. Is marriage allowed after infidelity? Cheating after wedding what to do

Archpriest Georgy Klimov, teacher of the Holy Scriptures of the New Testament of the Moscow Theological Academy, rector of the church in honor of the icon of the Mother of God “Unexpected Joy” in Maryina Roshcha, explains one of the most, unfortunately, topical issues of family preservation. What to do if one of the parties in marriage cheated? How unanimously do the Gospels, the experience of the Church, and the teachings of the Holy Fathers teach us to act in this case?

One of the important aspects of the gospel teaching about marriage is revealed in the 19th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew. The Pharisees approach the Savior and tempt with the question: is it permissible to divorce a wife? To which the Lord replies: Moses gave you a bill of divorce (that is, provided for the possibility of divorce) because of your hardness of heart.

However, the Lord Himself still speaks of the only reason why divorce is permissible is the guilt of adultery. In subsequent times, the Church has been steadfastly faithful to this gospel view. In the person of the fathers and teachers of the Church, it has always striven to introduce into the consciousness and life of its members the idea that marriage is an inseparable and inviolable union in all cases, except for the guilt of adultery.

“Holy Scripture,” teaches Clement of Alexandria, “legitimizes marriage on the condition of its indissolubility, this is revealed from the Lord’s clear decree of the following law: Do not divorce your wife, except for the guilt of a criminal relationship.”

Origen echoes him: “The Savior by no means allows a marriage to be dissolved for any other sin, but only one adultery found in a wife.”

What is the marriage-breaking power of this transgression? The fornicator leaves the marriage union, dies for him. But if there is no adultery, then “He who lets go tramples on the very basis of marriage, separates that which God has united by the law of nature and sanctified in Christianity by a deliberate Sacrament.”

This explanation by one of the interpreters of divorce is based “on the construction of the natural connection between man and woman into a truly mysterious one - Christ's. Here marriage is not just cohabitation, but first and foremost it is the Christian duty to reproduce in it the relationship that exists between the Lord and His Church. This is precisely what is expressed in the classical passage of Eph. 5:32, where it is far from a simple comparison ... and shows that marriage requires mutual self-devotion for the purpose of spiritual and moral improvement to the age of fulfillment of Christ (Eph. 4:13) of both oneself and one's offspring as members of the Church. Therefore, it must be indissoluble as long as the communion of the Redeemer with the faithful is eternal. But on the other hand, it is no less decisively and destroyed, since this principle is violated by one of the spouses, and the head turns out to be without a body, or vice versa ”(Origen).

Confirmation of the idea that marriage is destroyed due to adultery is also contained in the works of the Donicean fathers. Thus, Herm in the well-known book "The Shepherd" says that as long as the husband does not know the sin of his wife's adultery, “He does not sin if he lives with her. If the husband learns about the sin of his wife and she does not repent, but continues in her adultery, then the husband will sin if he lives with her, and becomes a participant in her adultery.

We find a similar teaching in the Apostolic ordinances: “Whoever holds back a corrupted one,” it says there, “violates the law of nature, since he who holds an adulterer is foolish and impious (Prov. XVIII, 23): therefore, ye fathers, says (Scripture), of your flesh (Sir. XXV, 29); for she is not a helper, but a swindler who has inclined her mind to another.

The teacher of the Carthaginian Church Tertullian asks the heretic Marcion: “What does your husband do if his wife has committed adultery? Is he holding her? But as you know, even your apostle (Paul in his writings distorted by a heretic) does not allow a prostitute to partake of the members of Christ (cf. 1 Cor. 6:15-16). So, the legitimacy of divorce has Christ as its surety ... Except for the guilt of adultery, God does not destroy what He Himself has combined.

These testimonies prove that adultery undermines and kills the very root of marriage, and if the spouses continue to live, then they no longer live in marriage, but in sinful cohabitation. But, on the other hand, in the works of the same Donicean Fathers, we find indications that even adultery does not yet lead to an irrevocable rupture of the marital union: only “the inveterate stubbornness of the fornicator, his inveterateness in vice and unwillingness to return to himself the disposition of the desecrated one” leads to it. "(see Glubokovsky N.). “Well,” argues Yerm, “if a released wife repents and wishes to return to her husband, should she be accepted by her husband?” “Even if her husband does not accept her, he sins and allows himself a great sin; should accept a sinner who repents, but not many times. For for the servants of God there is only one repentance. Therefore, for the sake of repentance, a husband, having let go of his wife, should not take another for himself. This course of action applies equally to both the husband and the wife.

Clement of Alexandria speaks of the same thing: “She who has committed sin lives on, but died for the commandments, but repentant and, as it were, reborn according to the way of life, she receives the rebirth of life; once the former harlot has died, she comes back to life born of repentance.” Thus, for the victim, for the innocent party, the obligation nevertheless follows in every possible way to strive for reconciliation and the establishment of a normal order, “only after that his divorce intentions will be pure; without this, clinging to a single example, he will reveal the slyness of his heart, forgetfulness of the fact that what God has combined must be supported to the last opportunity and with self-sacrifice ”(see Glubokovsky N.).

Only after all means of admonition have been exhausted is the innocent freed from his marital duties. In this sense, the incident cited by the holy martyr Justin is instructive: “One woman, who had previously been lecherous herself, lived with a lecherous husband. When she, having learned the teachings of Christ, became chaste, she began to incline her husband to chastity as well ... But he, being in his indecencies, constantly entered into illegal intercourse. Considering it impious to share a bed with a husband who indulged in carnal pleasures contrary to the law of nature and beyond all measure, she decided to finally break off all (marital) ties with him. But at the same time she respected her advice and forced herself to stay still in the hope that her husband would someday change. And how it became known that the husband, having gone to Alexandria, began to do much worse - she, having given the so-called divorce, separated from him, so that, remaining in union and sharing the table and bed with him, she would not be an accomplice in outrage and wickedness ” .

So, only after there is no hope left for the possibility of reconciliation between members of the married couple who have terminated cohabitation due to the fault of one of the spouses, the innocent party has the right to finally dissolve the marriage, since the union essentially no longer exists. And here the question can already be raised about the possibility of remarriage for an innocent party.

Increasingly, in modern society, they are trying to convince us that there is nothing wrong with adultery. But people understand that this is far from the case, and they are trying to secure their marriage, to find some kind of guarantee to save it. For example, in the Sacrament of the wedding.

Does the wedding give any guarantees, how betrayal works on both spouses, how much it is possible to forgive, and how to keep love in the family - Pravmir talked about this with the rector of the Moscow Church of the Life-Giving Trinity in Khokhly.

Treason. No guarantees

Archpriest Alexy Uminsky

- Sometimes, when people get married, it seems to them that the sacrament guarantees them a happy family life, without serious trials.

“Feeling like you’re guaranteed something is always false.

Christianity does not guarantee anything at all, but simply calls us to follow Christ. And this call is in no way connected with our desire to put everything on the shelves, to make the spiritual life concrete, understandable, to rely in it on something external, comprehensible by our mind.

Cheating as a part of marriage?

- I have heard more than once from people of the older generation that it is a component of marriage that cannot be avoided.

“In this case, people are just trying to justify their behavior. Or, more often, they justify the situation of their own family when they had to endure and forgive the betrayal of their spouse. A person needs some reason to be able to cope with a disaster, with something that is difficult to survive, and sometimes impossible. We know from the Gospel that Christ calls adultery - adultery - the only reason for a man to leave his wife or his husband.

- And therefore a person, even having forgiven, cannot forget about it throughout his life?

- Of course. It is no coincidence that in the commandments first comes - "thou shalt not kill", then - "thou shalt not commit adultery." Murder and adultery are almost equal in their destructive power. Who cheats on love is a killer. And those people who survived the betrayal of a spouse or spouse perceive what happened as if they were being killed. And this wound will never heal.

- And what about the now fashionable opinion that “easy going to the left” only strengthens the family?

- Yes, there is a whole modern theory that a married couple is obliged to have fun in this way, and that it even increases the desire for each other. Well, this is one of the variants of the lie, which has been said a lot about this today. Lies vile, disgusting, vile.

What is really happening? People first united for love, vows of fidelity were pronounced, each managed to entrust himself to the other as much as possible, expose, disarm, open up to let the other into his life. And suddenly after that he suffers such a betrayal! And this is capable of killing love to the end, destroying a family,. And completely, without the possibility of restoring anything to the ashes.

- That is why, on various ladies' forums, women write with despair that the husband repented, returned, became literally perfect, and she has an emptiness inside, and she already regrets that she allowed her husband not to leave?

- Yes, a person can come to his senses, come to his senses. But people, unfortunately, tend to forgive themselves before they forgive another. And along with forgiveness comes the feeling that it’s like “now we have to forget everything.” And there are things that cannot be forgotten. A person would be happy to do it, but he cannot.

The one who, say, had his leg torn off during the war, cannot forget that he does not have a leg. The same can be said about the survivor of the betrayal of a husband or wife. A person was literally sawn in half, a part of his being, a part of his body was taken away, because it is not in vain that it is said that two are one flesh. And how can he forget about it?!

And that's why so many people can't forgive. And even the Lord does not require this of us. He says that a person is free not to accept the one who committed treason.

- And what if the cheater says to his half in justification: nothing happened, I love you as before, there was only physiology, and I am always with you in soul?

- I won’t talk about the reasons for adultery: somewhere it’s just a human disgrace, somewhere it’s the mutual fault of people in marriage who don’t know how to keep each other and protect what was given to them at the very beginning of their life together.

But, in any case, when a person commits such an act, he himself changes greatly. It feels like he's losing his mind. And we all have a distorted human nature as a result of the fall. And in case of betrayal, especially if we are talking about a married marriage, when oaths are given not only to a person by a person, but also heard by God, recorded in Heaven, something terrible happens to the person himself. Such a terrible sin cannot leave a person the same ...

He loses something important in himself that formed him as a person. He is greatly affected by that part of the soul that is capable of true, correct feelings. A person begins to lie, justify himself, look for other moves, defend himself. And he even tries to build some right things, but he still doesn’t succeed. Because he has distorted himself so much that every next step, even if it is done formally correctly, still takes him in the other direction.

After the betrayal: a life in which there will no longer be lightness

- Probably, it is possible. But there are many more cases when the family collapses from this. To save the family, we still need a mutual feat, which, and this must be understood, will never end. As the pain from what happened will not disappear. And never in this family will there be such happiness, lightness, joy that could be. It will always be life with a lump in the throat, with a bitter aftertaste. Let the spouses get used to this taste, and, perhaps, in this family there will even be many external manifestations of happiness, common affairs, they will be more responsible and united in the upbringing of children. Because these people will be united by the feat of repentance, on the one hand, and the feat of forgiveness, on the other. It probably means a lot too...

- You have to find out somehow. Falling in love is not yet one hundred percent reason for marriage. This requires a certain preparation, recognition, testing, when love, growing out of falling in love, begins to manifest itself. But there are no specific recipes here.

I liked how Father Dmitry Smirnov once said that if a person can not marry, then he should not marry in any case. That is, you need to get married only when you definitely cannot not do it. If, however, for a moment you admit that you can not marry (not get married), it means that you think your life to some extent, even in the smallest degree - autonomously, separately. You leave yourself something that can only belong to you alone. And in marriage, I repeat, this should not be. In marriage, you can only take and give yourself to the end.

- Suspecting treason, some women try, for example, to open their husband's e-mail box. But it turns out that the very presence of passwords, “keys” is already a signal that not everything is in order in the family?

- If there is a moment of distrust in the family, if someone is hiding something from someone, this is already scary. It means that the one to whom you entrusted yourself is stealing something from you.

If there are suspicions, do not try to "hack" an electronic mailbox, try to find out something. We just need to pray. And carefully look at what is happening, trying to understand why this could happen, and what should be done in order to save something, to heal.

After all, in fact, you can forgive a person who has committed such a terrible act. If there is the deepest repentance of the one who has changed sides and if there is movement towards the other side, then everything can be overcome. Although, I repeat, it is painful and difficult.

- In magazines for women, psychologists often give advice that if a wife begins to suspect her husband, then, instead of throwing tantrums, you should try to change the situation, surround your spouse with care, attention, and carefully monitor your appearance.

- Including, probably, this can also take place. Because it happens that people in the family stop looking at each other. After all, there are so many things to do: buy furniture, take the children to music and English, put a meter on the water and do a lot of other things that seem to be urgent. Husband and wife do not even see each other. , then, tired, went to bed, woke up in the morning and - a new race. And even they fall apart.

And one day the spouses are surprised to discover: “Oh, who is this woman - incomprehensible, disheveled, nervous?”, “And who is this unshaven man with a gray face, with bruises under his eyes?” This can happen when the family suddenly turns into solving problems, achieving some small goals, when everyone has constant care: earning money, arranging a career, buying something, taking children to different schools.

That's it, the family will not be here either! Because that is not the purpose of the family. And in filling with love the space in which you live. Everything else is secondary. Well, do not buy furniture if it costs such a price, do not earn so much money if you pay for them with the life of your family!

We need to understand this in time and surround each other with care, finally start looking into each other’s eyes again, constantly talking to each other about something in the evening, sitting together, drinking tea, going to theaters, cinemas, museums together, walk in the park. That is, to make life common.

Although it would seem that the purchase of furniture is a common goal: the furniture is for the house, the house is being built for us. In fact, it does not connect everything, but separates it. Because it becomes an end in itself: furniture, dissertation, whatever! The real goal is love, family.

Yes, a person gets tired, but what prevents him, when he comes, to smile kindly, kiss his wife, watch the lessons of the children or joyfully meet her husband who has returned from work? I just can’t imagine that I’ll come home, and my wife won’t come out to meet me with a smile!

– Modern man finds himself sandwiched between polar, equally oppressive opinions: in the secular media it is positioned that “everything is possible”, that everything is simple and easy in family life, in many Orthodox – nothing is impossible, everything is hard and painful.

- And we generally just don’t talk about marriage as about love. We talk about marriage as a feat, as a duty, as a method of solving demographic problems in the country. . And in secular society they talk about love as pleasure, entertainment.

Therefore, we must learn to speak correctly about love. About love as about joy, about happiness, about fullness, and, among other things, about responsibility, about work. When Vladyka Anthony was asked what a Christian marriage should be like, what a Christian family should be, he answered: happy! Carrying the cross in family life should not be a form of torture. We, in church hymns, speak of the Cross as of joy. And when a person follows the path of love, he does not even notice the cross. Only later does he realize that for the sake of what he has, he is ready to give everything, to go to death. After all, to truly tell a person “I love you” means “I am ready to give my life for you.”

Interviewed by Oksana GOLOVKO.

A wedding is a serious and conscious step in the life of a man and a woman. If in pre-revolutionary times, a wedding was the only way to legalize a marriage, today few couples get married. But over time, church foundations and rules change somewhat. For example, today, only people who have already been married can go through the sacrament of the church. And this is true, since a married couple has time to think and consciously decide to get married. In this regard, many questions arise, including what does cheating in a married marriage mean.

The meaning of the wedding ceremony

This rite of the church sacrament is connected, first of all, with the blessing of God. Therefore, a married marriage is considered serious and does not allow any sins. People who decide to get married believe in God, and, therefore, they understand what punishment awaits them in case of committing sins. It is generally accepted that a married marriage requires much more responsibility, tolerance and spirituality. And you need to demand not from your partner, but from yourself, first of all. After marriage, the husband and wife must live according to the laws and commandments of God, and the priest will always help resolve any doubts and conflicts. But, on the other hand, a wedding is not a guarantee of a happy and comfortable family life. A wedding is a ceremony that testifies that a couple is spiritually mature for family life, ready for sacrifice, for love, not only physical, but also spiritual. Such an approach of married spouses to family life in the future will help to cope with problems, deliberately resolve conflicts and be a worthy example for children. Therefore, one should not expect that the wedding itself will already provide a happy family life, the absence of problems and conflicts. After the ceremony, one must continue to live with virtue in the heart and house, and remember that their life is in full view of the Lord God.

wedding requirements

The church has certain rules about who can and who cannot get married:

it is necessary to be baptized for both those who are getting married;
not be married to another person;
those who are getting married should not be related to each other up to the fourth degree by blood, as well as in spiritual relationship (godparents and godchildren);
must be of legal age;
have mutual consent to the wedding.

persons of other religions;
blood relatives, also foster parents and children;
persons of the same sex, as well as persons who have changed their sex with the help of an operation;
minors and mentally ill;
persons who have already been married three times.

debunking

Divorce according to church laws is possible, but there must be good reasons for this:

betrayal of one of the spouses;
adoption by one spouse of another faith;
unnatural vices (for example, homosexuality);
infertility;
missing or incarcerated;
an attempt on the life of one of the spouses or children;
incurable diseases, including AIDS, alcoholism, drug addiction;
wife's abortion without husband's consent

Unfortunately, the list of reasons that can terminate a church marriage is constantly updated. And one of them is the betrayal of one of the spouses.

In modern society, the attitude towards betrayal is quite easy. There are stereotypes that cheating strengthens marriage, that all men cheat on their wives at least once. But in fact, most likely, these stereotypes were invented by people who are far from moral truths. When asked whether it is possible to change in marriage, a priest of any religion will answer in the negative. Infidelity after the wedding means desecration of the marital bed and therefore can be the cause of dethronement. Treason in a married marriage is a grave sin, which, however, can be forgiven.

Wedding and betrayal, unacceptable concepts in combination, however, are found in life more and more often. The fact that adultery is a grave sin is said in the Bible in the Seventh Commandment: “Do not commit adultery. By committing a sin against the family, you will not find happiness.” It really is. Any betrayal brings a lot of sad consequences: resentment, disappointment, scandals, divorces. Having found another family through betrayal, one cannot be completely happy either, because the new partner, knowing about the tendency to infidelity, will constantly suspect, not trust. Most of all, of course, children suffer from seemingly innocent intrigues and betrayals. It is not easy for them to understand why parents cannot come to an understanding, and divorce is always tragically endured by children.

In addition, betrayal causes great damage to mental balance. It doesn’t matter if it’s male or female cheating, the one who cheats will always feel guilty in front of his half. Also, the desire to hide infidelity leads to another sin - lying. A person has to lie and dodge to hide the fact of treason.

The Church considers infidelity not only the fact of sexual intercourse with another man or woman. In the Gospel it is believed that adultery begins with bad thoughts: "Everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

What to do if there was a betrayal after the wedding

You can talk and talk a lot about why people cheat: there are dozens of excuses for this. But the church divides betrayal into only two types:

treason committed because of the depravity and immorality of a person:
treason committed by mistake, because of which a person is gnawed by remorse.

Of course, both cases are sins. But pride is the same sin, so before you categorically cut off all the threads that bind marriage, you need to think about it, because forgiveness is possible. God Himself called people to forgive.

It is worth looking at treason from two sides: the married traitor and the one who was cheated on. Be sure to understand the reasons for infidelity, if the spouse repented of this, then it is better to forgive. But it is important not to remember this case later, not to reproach once again. Forgiveness is not always easy, but maybe this is the case when you need to turn to a spiritual mentor?

If the betrayal happened on your part, you don’t need to justify yourself, you are to blame for succumbing to temptation, that you made a mistake. But remember. That repentant sin is always forgiven. If the feeling of guilt does not come, then the person has wrong ideas about the family, about religion.

Confession. The very first step is a confession of treason. Of course, this is not easy, but it is better if your half learns about the betrayal from you. This speaks of regret, of the desire to correct mistakes.
Confess. A guilty person is always gnawed by conscience, so you need, first of all, to repent before yourself, before God, before your soul mate. If repentance is sincere, then forgiveness and relief of the soul will come soon.
Eliminate the reasons for the betrayal. Knowing why the betrayal occurred, you need to do a lot of work on yourself, on family life, so that this problem never visits your home again.
Apologize and accept your spouse's decision. You need to understand that you may not be forgiven. But for some it may take time. Therefore, you need to stock up on great patience in order to survive this difficult period.

Is marriage possible after infidelity?

Having changed once, a person should know that a wedding after treason is impossible. It is easy to dissolve a civil marriage by issuing an appropriate decision, but dethronement is a very long process. But if the debunking happened due to treason, then it will no longer be possible to get married, because the spiritual component of marriage has already been destroyed. Now imagine that after a while the spouses were able to forgive each other, but precious time was lost, and it was no longer possible to return the status of married spouses. It is necessary to responsibly approach both the wedding ceremony and the divorce process.

Consequences after adultery in a married marriage

If there was a betrayal after the wedding, its consequences are sad, and, as a rule, remind of themselves for a long time. What awaits the married man and woman who have committed adultery?

a person will be haunted by feelings of guilt and remorse, because of which he will not be able to find harmony with himself;
there will be a sense of shame in front of children, relatives, friends, colleagues;
even if the marriage can be saved, the second half will hardly be able to forget what happened
inability to cope with temptations will lead to a vicious circle;
in the event of a divorce, the second marriage will be a continuation of the mistakes made;
children will not see a worthy example in their parents, as a result of which they will create the same defective families.

From all that has been said, I would like to draw one simple conclusion: when deciding on a wedding, you need to approach this issue very seriously. Many priests advise to undergo the rite of the sacrament after several years of relationship or marriage, when blind love passes and only respect and deep love for each other remains. In no case should weddings become a fashionable tradition, a trend taken from films. Of course, the majestic church, penetrating music, the sacrament of the ancient rite - it's beautiful and romantic. But this is the last thing the couple should be concerned about. The main thing is life according to the laws of God, which will quietly save the family from many worldly problems.

This ceremony is filled with sacred mystery, it exists in order for the couple to be blessed by God, it shows the seriousness of intentions in marriage. Man was created in the image of God, therefore, mistakes and disobedience of the commandments are not forgiven, a crowned marriage is a sin for which one must bear responsibility both in heaven and on Earth.

Cheating after the wedding should be completely excluded. When people make such important decisions, it requires awareness that they will have to adhere to the canons at least - to be baptized, to listen to every advice of the priest, to truly want it, and not to act under compulsion. There is a belief among the people that says that a married couple is not destined to part, they will intersect, collide all their lives under any circumstances, no matter how they try to run away from each other.

Terminating the union is extremely difficult, for this you need a weighty reason, for example, unreasonable betrayal, which there is no strength to forgive. Everyone can make mistakes and make mistakes. As a rule, both are always to blame, desperation, indifference, constant indifference, misunderstanding can push to misconduct. You should always find out the reason, understand it to the end and, if possible, forgive.

If there were reasons to love a person, then you can always find good qualities in him, periodically make a difference, be a support, try to restore and discover all the most beautiful, bright, which used to be the defining features of falling in love. Even the most responsible spouses sometimes face obstacles, disagreements, temptations on the side.

The main thing is spiritual repentance, acceptance, awareness of guilt, attempts to make amends for it.

It is easier to destroy than to renew or build a new one, therefore, having given free rein to emotions, statements, one must stop in time and come to a single decision: to be or not to be together, to accept arguments for and against, to remember the wonderful moments of life together, to understand whether one mistake can cross out what has been acquired overwork.

Another question is, if a man lives with his family and regularly cheats, embarks on fornication, constantly breaks down, blames his relatives for everything, then there can be no question of forgiveness, a divorce may well take place. In any case, one cannot live with illusions. With the help of a wedding, try to strengthen what is not, and never was, what is alien will never attract, for someone it can be just a beautiful ceremony that does not bind to anything.

There should be no separation between marriages, there are faithful and unfaithful people, everything else is stupid excuses for your actions. You can’t live with grievances, with hatred in your heart, because this is also a huge sin, it’s better to forget, let go, go on different paths than try to hold on, take revenge, infringe on a person, thus, it hurts not only him, but also the injured party as well.

Forgiving is a gift of generosity, not granted to everyone, and sometimes forgiveness is a great stupidity, which will turn into bitter experience more than once, some wives or husbands are not able to change the pernicious image and take the right path of repentance, correction. It is hard to realize that marriage and betrayal are common things that become the daily norm.

Everyone is equal by nature, I have the right to choose my values, to arrange the path of life as I please, but if there is a family, then I have to bear responsibility for it, not to scatter close individuals, to listen, to take into account interests, and not to exist senselessly for the sake of satisfying animal instincts. The first rule of humanity: to carry out activities for the good, for the good, to make happier.

Based on the holy book, there comes an understanding that the human race cannot feel full happiness, being completely alone, support is definitely needed. Thus, Eve was recreated - the image of an ideal wife, a kind of addition to Adam. They were recreated for harmony, in fact, marriages are concluded for this.

Spouses are a single whole, a wife must be faithful, love only her husband, be a mistress - humiliation, the purpose of the ladies is not to be entertainment or simply satisfy the needs of physiology, the essence is much deeper: to live, creating complete well-being, peace, complement each other, enjoy in full.

In the old days, adultery in a married marriage was impossible, as soon as the young came to church, the whole district knew that today a completely new story began for them, which would unite them for eternity, they could no longer be one without the other.

The main goal is the birth and upbringing of a new generation. The spiritual side of personal relationships, understanding is important; a wedding after betrayal is possible, if only being is completely rethought, an independent final choice is made.

A wife who cheated on her husband did not succumb to the selfless power of love, which means she is not able to stay in a family, free, non-binding relationships are typical of this, cohabitation, alas, religion does not recognize this.

There are a lot of divorces in the modern world, therefore, a calm perception has become the norm, a married couple can easily divorce and after a certain period reproduce the ritual again with other contenders for the heart. The younger generation does not take marriage so seriously, and some churches crown everyone indiscriminately, they don’t attach much importance, some are inclined to the “wisdom” of saving a family by any means: “even if he lives, he cheats with me”, but is this approach correct?

You have to learn to solve problems, not live with them. Sooner or later, such a situation will exhaust, get bored, you will want peace, and not passions, a hectic life, and if there are children, then this will painfully settle on their psyche, perception and they will simply begin to take an example from their parents.

If you cheated on your husband, then it is easier to confess, forgive sin, leave it in the past, because you can only aggravate the situation, others will be added to one mistake: betrayal, lies, deceit and much more. The atmosphere should be clean, sincere, laid-back, you should not surround yourself with a "swamp" immersion, into which it will become inevitable, as they say, among the people: "on a thief and a hat is on fire."

Wedding or standard ceremony?

Many confine themselves to ordinary celebration, which is correct to some extent, but does not remove responsibility for certain impious deeds. Of course, betrayal after the wedding has serious consequences, you will have to take communion, repent, ask for forgiveness, suffer, and only in this way, it is possible to get the long-awaited pardon.

People come to church not because it is fashionable and beautiful, but only with a sincere desire to forever unite bodies and souls; learn to love, respect, perceive a spouse as he is, experience grief, joy together, be disappointed, make up for lost time, strive for complete harmony, find joint happiness, be together despite all obstacles and difficulties.

When making a decision, you need to rely not only on common sense, but also take into account contradictions, consciously approach the choice of a partner, be one hundred percent confident in him and in yourself, which, unfortunately, is an extremely rare case.

There is no need to rush, it is important to gain life experience, understand yourself, your own preferences, determine values in order to focus and make a worthy, final choice that will bring joy and happiness for the rest of your life.

The presence of betrayal in the relationship between a man and a woman testifies, first of all, to disrespect, neglect of each other, and after violation of a vow, church rules, inability to live according to the Laws of God.

1 Cor. 6:9-11: “Make no mistake. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who are used for unnatural intercourse, nor men who lie with men. do not inherit the kingdom of God. And so were some of you. But by the spirit of our God you have been washed, sanctified and declared righteous in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (These words show how serious this is. Unrepentant adulterers will have no place in God's kingdom. However, people who have committed adultery in the past and may even have remarried without the right to do so can still be forgiven. God and become pure in his eyes if they sincerely repent and exercise faith in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus.)

Wedding after cheating husband

Sad as it may seem, but a woman very often in her family life has to deal with her husband's betrayal. Women react to this fact in completely different ways: someone immediately forgives their beloved husband, someone does not forgive and stops communicating, and then bitterly regrets it, someone does not attach importance to this case at all. How to forgive a husband? And is it possible to do this and forget everything?

Is marriage allowed after infidelity?

Many married Orthodox couples believe that after the betrayal or divorce of the couple, the wedding is annulled. Actually, it is not. Only the death of one of them can break these invisible bonds that bind spouses. A civil marriage can be terminated by putting a stamp in the passport, but it’s not so easy to get divorced. If a deceived spouse is able to survive and forgive betrayal, then the Lord is ready to forgive this sin if the cheater (ca) comes to church, confesses and really repents of this act.

After the betrayal of her husband, our wedding does not make sense

Rome. 7:2, 3: “A married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from her husband's law. Therefore, if she became the wife of another man while her husband was still alive, she would be considered an adulteress. But if the husband dies, she is free from his law and will not be an adulteress if she becomes the wife of another man.

When they got married officially, the situation changed: all checks from food purchases were strictly recalculated and for unnecessary purchases (“I would have done without chocolate!”) They arranged head-washing, money for family needs was issued almost against a written report. But worst of all, endless reproaches: “You earn a penny!”, “It would be better if you went to the bank to wash the floors - there’s already a bigger salary!”, “I’ll stop feeding you altogether, since you spend more than you bring into the house.”

Cheating in marriage

if you are interested in the theological aspect, read here what the rector writes http://azbyka.ru/tserkov/duhovnaya_zhizn/sem_tserkovnyh_tainstv/brak/5g5_6-all.shtml. In short, the church can recognize that the marriage has broken up if you decide after the betrayal that the relationship needs to be ended, but the decision is up to the spouses. You will still remain one flesh and blood with your first husband.

Wedding after cheating husband

Just as the Sacrament of Baptism does not guarantee salvation to a person, the Sacrament of Confession - forgiveness, the Sacrament of the Eucharist - well-being and a feeling of graceful fulfillment, so the Sacrament of the Wedding does not guarantee family happiness to a person, it only opens up opportunities for this through constant work, through life according to the Gospel in its entirety. .

The mistress said that she did not need anything from my husband! ”

And then, one New Year's Eve, my husband did not "arrive" from a business trip. I was very worried, constantly called him. But on the other end, the subscriber was “out of reach”. She worried, she cried, she prayed. He called his daughter a week later and said that he was fine and would be home soon. A couple of days later he came when I was at home alone and said that he wanted to live separately. My question about the woman received an affirmative answer. Then the phrase sounded: “I don’t know, maybe I’m not needed there either.” To say it's a shock is an understatement. For several days I was just in prostration. And then I realized how much I love this man.

Getting married after cheating husband

If a young maiden is betrothed to her husband, and someone meets her in the city and lies with her, then bring them both to the gates of that city, and stone them to death: the maiden because she did not cry in the city, but the man because he defamed his neighbor's wife; and so cut off the evil from among you.

Family conflicts: prevention and a - 11

I mostly talk about male infidelity simply because, according to statistics, men cheat on their wives much more often, but all of the above can be attributed to female infidelity as well. The same situation can occur if the spouse treats his wife inappropriately, for example, he is cold, inattentive, rude towards his wife; instead of giving her time and providing help and support, she disappears all day in the company of friends.

Question to the priest: why men cheat on their wives

There is a well-known series Breaking Bad, which shows how a person gives himself the right to commit a crime, falls into sin, based on some more or less lofty considerations, and how this sin then affects everything around like a cancerous tumor. There, the hero himself is ill with cancer, and he seems to be cured. But the business he started begins to grow and devours the entire space of life around him. This is a very clear example. It shows well what a person bound by sin turns into, who at the same time tries to break free. He is tormented by conscience - there is a scene with a fly, in one of the episodes it flies constantly and does not give the hero peace of mind. But he, it turns out, is already deeply involved, and not only himself - he pulled his wife and everything that surrounds him along with him. And it seems like he has an excuse: he has cancer, he needs money for treatment and a family ... A person who lives in such a state, in captivity of sin, will constantly look for an excuse for his act. He can't live without it. He needs some external event or some higher goal to which he could appeal and explain why he does it. Moreover, he himself feels bad from the endless search for justification. The most difficult condition.

Found out about her husband's infidelity

Good day! My husband and I have been married for 13 years, we have two children aged 6 and 2. My husband is 9 years older, for him our second marriage, for me the first. Children are very beloved and long-awaited, in fact, for the sake of them, to a greater extent, I want to save the family. The husband is a good person - he knows how to take care, has a sense of humor, loves children. But we are very different. I have a more standard and probably stereotyped approach to everything. He likes to make a performance out of a trifle. But there are enough minuses - he doesn’t keep his word, which is important for me and very upsetting. Dependent, as I think, on the phone and computer games. There have always been many problems in relationships, they are mainly connected with different views on many things and omissions. For a husband from the beginning of marriage, the norm is to keep silent because of the fear of causing my negativity. Now for the worst. Even before marriage, we tried, but could not, get pregnant. Having got married, it turned out that the reason is in the husband and only reproductologists can help us. It knocked us down, but did not break us - painful trips to the doctors began. Somewhere in a year and a half - two years, as a result of these campaigns, it turned out that in the first marriage, the husband did not always use protection, and guesses about his infertility crept into him. Although before that he always told me that he did not want children from his first wife, therefore he could not know about his infertility - there were no attempts to get pregnant. After that, I was blown away. I wanted to get a divorce - but I was very attached to my husband, I did not dare to divorce. There was discord in the family, my husband closed, I thought that I had been betrayed. After that, I began a short romance with a work colleague. The colleague had serious intentions, but he was also not free - he was ready to leave his family. I, apparently, was afraid of what I had done and ended my relationship with him. But after some time, on his initiative, a correspondence began. My husband read it and left home, writing to me that we would get divorced later. I tried to return it, said it was a mistake and offered to start over. And even before marriage, when I raised the topic of betrayal, because I knew that he was cheating on his first wife, he said that his attitude was negative, but betrayal was different. And that he will be able to forgive me cheating, because he is my first man and I may want to try to be with another. Then he said that he said this so as not to limit me. So. The husband agreed to try to start all over again. Returned the same day. Then they lived together, tried to treat their husband, after a few years they began to do IVF. In our eighth year of marriage, we had our first child through IVF. Many doctors were passed, a lot of tears were shed, 5 IVF protocols were made. Four years later, our second child was born in the same way. The husband was not an activist in this process, but he did everything that was required. I was the initiator of consultations with doctors, the search for new clinics and opportunities. After the birth of my second child, I had a very bad mental state - there were complications after childbirth, plus we lived with my parents, because my husband did not finish the renovation in our apartment, although he promised and had the opportunity to do so. I was very uncomfortable, not too good physically, I didn’t want intimacy. We didn't have sex for half a year. Plus, I became very annoyed that my husband could not finish the repair and I could not be at home with the children. Scandals began. When the youngest child was about 8 months old and we had already moved into our apartment (and the renovation had not been completed and had not yet been completed, there were still serious interruptions with intimacy), it turned out that my husband was cheating on me. It was after my betrayal, but before the eco protocols. As he said, he took revenge for my betrayal and because of our rare intimacy. Changed over the course of a couple of years with different women. He says that he did not build relations with them, but there were repeated meetings. I was in shock, but with a small child in my arms. She convinced herself that she was to blame. Then it turned out that a month before everything was opened, the husband had a correspondence with another woman, he confessed to her that he was in love with her. At the same time, he told her that he loved me. When I found out about the correspondence, their relationship had already come to naught. There was nothing physically. Although he insisted on a personal meeting - she fell silent for a while. After they realized the futility of their relationship, they asked each other for forgiveness and that was it. But he told her a lot of personal things - about betrayal, about IVF, about our life with him. Without children, I would definitely not continue such a relationship. When she found out about her husband's correspondence, she kicked him out of the house. The next day he came to talk, but he seemed to admit his mistakes, but he did not forget to blame me either. In the end, after all, we agreed to build relations anew. It's been almost a year. His good attitude towards me is noticeable, and the fact that our intimate life began to improve, but at the same time, he spends a lot of time at the computer, playing computer games and on the phone, watching videos. I am still stormy - sometimes I just want to go away and enjoy the children, leaving the past in the past.

Treason in a married marriage: consequences for men and women

In some cases, a woman experiencing her husband's infidelity will try to smooth things over for the children. But one can imagine how she will be able to do this if she is depressed and is only able to mechanically fulfill her duties - to feed, take and pick up children from school. She would be glad to turn on for real, but she can’t. And here it is already better to contact a psychotherapist, who may prescribe a course of medications.

How to save a marriage after infidelity

It just can't be! If the news of the betrayal comes to light, the deceived partner may not immediately believe in it. He experiences a state of shock or prostration: as if the betrayal happened not to him, but to someone else. This phase lasts approximately 48 hours. Most often, it is during it that the deceived spouse goes on about emotions and makes ill-considered decisions, the correctness of which, after a few days, he will doubt. There is only one advice for this step: do not break the wood!